


Baby In A Trench-Coat

by sandean_cas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Alternate Universe, Angst, Apologies, Canon Universe, Caretaker Dean Winchester, Caring Dean Winchester, Castiel & Sam Winchester Friendship, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, Castiel in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester Dancing, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Curses, De-Aged Castiel (Supernatural), Dean Winchester Calls Castiel "Angel", Dean Winchester Can't Cope, Dean Winchester Can't Say "I Love You", Dean Winchester Carries Castiel, Dean Winchester Comforts Castiel, Dean Winchester Cooks, Dean Winchester Deserves to be Happy, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean Winchester Loves Chick-Flicks, Dean Winchester is Sam Winchester's Parent, Deviates From Canon, Episode: s02e07 Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner, Episode: s14e13 Lebanon, Episode: s15e01 Back and to the Future, Episode: s15e02 Raising Hell, Episode: s15e03 The Rupture, Episode: s15e03 The Rupture - Bunker Breakup Scene, Episode: s15e04 Atomic Monsters, Episode: s15e05 Proverbs 17:3, Episode: s15e06 Golden Time, Fix-It, Fluff, Human Castiel in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Magic, Oblivious Sam Winchester, POV Sam Winchester, Post-Episode: s15e03 The Rupture, Protective Dean Winchester, Quote: Angels are watching over you. (Supernatural), Quote: Family Don't End With Blood (Supernatural), Quote: The Meat Man (Supernatural: Atomic Monsters), Quote: Without your power you're basically just a baby in a trenchcoat. (Supernatural), Reconciliation, Sam Winchester is Not Amused, Sam Winchester is So Done, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, Sick Dean Winchester, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Wishes, magic pearl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 38,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21654874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandean_cas/pseuds/sandean_cas
Summary: He watches from behind the wall as Dean creeps slowly down the stairs, ensuring that his footfalls are almost silent. Stranger still is huge bag strapped to his back… if Sam didn’t know better he’s say its… moving?“Dean!” he snaps, letting his worry show, “Cass just… vanished in a plume of … trench-coat and before that… I saw something… I don’t even understand this.” He sputters.Impassive, Dean just glances towards the exit.“Did you hear me?” he tries again.“Yup.” Dean assures, still glancing at the door, “Heard you like a bell. We’ll talk in the morning Sammy. Night.”“Night?” he parrots. “Cass is in trouble.”“Cass is a um, heh.” He laughs, “Big boy.”Why isn’t he doing anything? And what’s in that damn bag?Sam wrenches it open.Sam takes a good long look at the child who now sits happily at their table. Glow-y blue eyes, hair dark as night, an unflinching stare that seems to be directed only at Dean, chewing on Dean’s index finger like it’s candy. With jerky motions he wraps the trench-coat around the child, still unable to reconcile what he knows with what he sees.Dean laughs, “Now you really are a baby in a trench-coat.” Cass bites down.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Castiel's Trenchcoat (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 311
Kudos: 478





	1. Pearly Wishes

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in s15e03 everything is exactly as it is in canon with the exception that Sam and Dean never used the magic pearl in Lebanon. It's in the bunker lying around for our favourite angel to find.
> 
> Have fun reading!!!

“I think it’s time for me to move on.” Castiel marches slowly up the bunker stairs, his legs growing weaker and weaker with every step. He wants to turn back but he can’t. He waits for Dean to call out to him… tell him this is all unnecessary.

That doesn’t happen.

He finds himself alone, once more, in the brisk air, dreading his next steps.

Castiel doesn’t make it far. The nearest tree serves as his leaning post as he absorbs the fact that he’s lost everything. All he ever wanted was the Winchester’s respect… to be called family and have them mean it. Dean’s love… his trust. Those things are – invaluable beyond words to him.

The door cracks open and his heart lurches, yet he can’t bring himself to get up.

But Dean doesn’t even stop to look at him, he continues with a determined gait and hops into the Impala. Castiel surmises that he’s gone out for a drink, a hook-up perhaps.

He sinks back into his position, resigned.

When it finally sinks in that Dean isn’t coming back for the night, he allows himself to make his way back to the bunker.

Sam at least deserves to have a good bye in person.

It feels forbidden, now, walking into the bunker. Like he doesn’t belong. Like he’s a toxin the building is trying to reject. His hand lingers on the railing and he looks up when he reaches the bottom of the stair case. He envisages Dean standing desolately – uncaringly at that table. Shaking himself out of that memory he decides to stop. No Dean. No sadness.

He’s here for a few last moments with Sam.

Sam.

Would Sam even want to see him now?

Castiel _is_ the reason he’d been forced to kill Rowena.

What if Dean had been sparing his feelings by not telling him that Sam is the one he needs to leave for? It certainly wouldn’t be the first time.

He meanders around a bit.

Drinking in the last sights of the placed he’d always dreamed of calling home and the mementoes of the people he wished would call him family. He heads to Dean’s room first. Luckily the door is already sprawling open; that doesn’t make him feel less guilty though. He knows exactly how Dean feels about his privacy… about his personal space.

Touching Dean’s clothes, he remembers the memories that came with them. Him and Dean dressing up like cowboys for a case. He still isn’t entirely sure that was necessary, but Castiel went along anyway… because it made Dean happy. Or the shirt he’d worn when they finally found him while he was possessed by Michael. The one he wore to Jack’s funeral… the one he wore to Mary’s

Castiel turns away. He can’t stand to hover in this room any longer. Not when all it does is remind him of Dean… of something he could have had… had he not ruined everything.

But as Castiel moves down the corridor hurriedly, memories of their first meetings assaulted him. Him trusting Dean enough to share his doubts; Dean trusting him enough to go along with his plans. Backing him up with everyone stood against him and even though he was in the wrong. He’d scattered that trust. Now the wind has finally blown the pieces away and Dean is too tired to chase after them anymore. And who would blame him?

The library is yet another trove of memories. Mostly Sam this time. Hours of research, sitting in companionable silence sharing the occasional fun fact when things were going slow. He’d miss that more than anything.

He fingers the shelves of artefacts that the Winchesters had collected over the years. Blades, totems, charms and the like.

Cocking his head he bends next to the small white ball. It looks like a tic tac but completely spherical. It must have fallen off the shelves. He bends to pick it up, rolling it over gently in his fingers before he glances up at Sam’s startled exclamation: “Cass don’t touch that!”

…

Dean starts the Impala’s engine with a great huff. Cass couldn’t have gotten far. He’s wingless and carless for goodness sake.

He begins a slow crawl across the roads leading to Lebanon, assuming Cass would head to the city to stock up and get a ride.

Stupid asshole.

Dean could look at him. _Had_ looked at him pointedly, in fact, while he was being accused of the opposite.

He’d expected a blow out, sure. That was the new normal for them lately.

But Cass just leaving… that had stunned him.

And leave he had.

Dean finds no trace of the angel’s presence. No trench-coated figure in the distance. No gruff, baritone voice snapping at him. Just a whole road of nothing.

He gets to Lebanon anyway unable to turn around and head back to the Cass-less bunker and a depressed Sam. Drinking then. That sounds reasonable. Dean’s normal. Except something feels off.

Wandering the streets of Lebanon a bottle of whiskey wrapped in a brown bag at his side isn’t what Dean had planned, but it’s what he gets in any case.

Still no Cass.

Dean begins to wonder if he’d even been real all this time or if he’d been an … imaginary friend that Chuck concocted to keep them in check. His world tilts, he’s way too drunk to be thinking about this shit.

Head pounding he takes a break near the gate of a house.

Wailing greets him.

Throwing up his hands in defeat he takes another swing and curses. Of course he had to choose the one place on the block with a screaming baby in it. Only… the pained shrieks aren’t coming from inside. They seem to be emanating from just a few paces away by his estimate… not that he can estimate all that well right now.

The bushes nearby rustle and he approaches slowly. The child sits there wailing and sniffling and in his shock Dean drenches him in whiskey.

“Shit.” He mutters looking around. “What kind of bastard leaves a baby out in the street.”

The streetlight is shot and it’s so dark he can barely make out the outline of the baby … except, not really a baby. Given his size Dean would guess he’s around two or three. In the moonlight he manages to make out the faintest hint of silver blue eyes. In that instant, Dean is as lucid as ever and he knows one thing for sure. This child will get his unyielding protection and he’d never abandon it.

Resolutely, he marches back to the Impala with the little cherub cradled securely in his arms. He’s as naked as the day he was born and Dean swaddles him with his green jacket smiling as he coos. “You think you’re cute huh?” he pokes at his cheeks. “Well you are. Got me whipped as hell.”

The child grabs hold of his finger, yanking with a force a three year old couldn’t possibly have. “Stay.” He begs, popping Dean’s finger into his mouth and sucking gently.

“I’m keeping you he promises.” Letting the child nibble away. “Don’t care what Sammy says, I’ll sneak you in alright?”

…

Sam hears a strange noise. Someone walked through the bunker. He knows that Dean left so it must be Cass. He’d been wanting to check on the angel for some time now, but he’d been too lost in his grief to even move.

Now though, he knows he needs to make the effort.

He heads down the hall, to the source of the noise and freezes dead in his tracks.

“Cass don’t touch that!” But it’s too late.

The angel just stares at him wide eyed, the magical pearl clutched tightly before a pop resounds and his trench-coat billows towards the floor.

Sam catapults himself forward grabbing onto the coat and the small mass inside it. A child sits there proudly, naked and with bright blue eyes.

And just as suddenly the child blips away leaving Sam staring at the unfilled trench-coat and the magical pearl that grants your heart’s greatest desire.

Instantly he goes into panic mode. His mind immediately heads to Dean. He’d be pissed that Cass had… vanished? Died? He doesn’t even know. On Sam’s watch.

Scrambling for his phone he punches in Dean’s cell faster than he ever has in his life.

“C’mon.” he pleads.

Voice mail.

Damnit!

But then the bunker door creeks open and Sam stands there like a deer in the headlights, caught between relief and fear. Dean’s here now, he can fix this.

Except… something’s wrong.

He watches from behind the wall as Dean creeps slowly down the stairs, ensuring that his footfalls are almost silent. Stranger still is huge bag strapped to his back… if Sam didn’t know better he’s say its… moving?

Blinking rapidly, he tries to find a plausible explanation, even as they call do their best to elude him.

“Dean?” he asks.

Dean freezes up like some kind of criminal when put on the stand to testify. He gives a wavering smile, fiddling with the straps of his bag. “Sammy.” He glances away, “Gotta head to bed bro.”

Bro?

“Dean!” he snaps, letting his worry show, “Cass just… vanished in a plume of … trench-coat and before that… I saw something… I don’t even understand this.” He sputters.

Impassive, Dean just glances towards the exit. Of all the reactions Sam had expected this one never even made the list.

“Did you hear me?” he tries again.

“Yup.” Dean assures, still glancing at the door, “Heard you like a bell. We’ll talk in the morning Sammy. Night.”

“Night?” he parrots.

He yanks Cass’ trench-coat up. “Cass is in trouble.”

“Cass is a um, heh.” He laughs, “Big boy.”

“Dean what the hell?” Why isn’t he doing anything? And what’s in that damn bag?

Sam wrenches it open, jumping back as he sees the child sitting peacefully inside it.

“Did you kidnap someone?” he wonders.

“I found him on the street.” Dean snaps. “And I am never abandoning him okay?”

Numbly, Sam nods. He doesn’t see any other option. Clearly, Dean had lost his mind. Cass had lost himself and Sam… well …

The hell.

Sam takes a good long look at the child who now sits happily at their table. Glow-y blue eyes, hair dark as night, an unflinching stare that seems to be directed only at Dean as though he’d hung the sun and stars… chewing on Dean’s index finger like it’s candy. With jerky motions he wraps the trench-coat around the child, still unable to reconcile what he knows with what he sees.

Dean laughs loudly, “Now you really are a baby in a trench-coat.”

Dean’s face twists in pain as the child clamps his jaw down in the finger he’d just been so lovingly sucking. Pulling away and yelping, Dean looks to Sam for support.

But Sam can’t support anyone… not even himself… he finds himself flat on the floor staring up at baby Cass and wondering when things had gotten so royally fucked.


	2. Daddean

When Sam comes too, Dean is standing above him fanning him with an old lore book that only makes him want to sneeze. He looks around for… the child only to come up empty.

Thank God, it had just been a dream, he d-

Sam freezes, hearing a cooing sound.

The child – Cass – and it’s so obviously Cass now, hangs around Dean’s legs like a koala, using his arms and legs to lock himself onto Dean. His brother seems perfectly at peace with the situation, walking around like he doesn’t even notice.

“You good Sammy?” he asks, crouching slightly to look at Sam.

“Cass is literally hanging off your coat tails.” He observes, once more feeling faint.

“We’re still on this.” Dean says dryly.

Sam widens his eyes. “How are you so calm?” he demands. Sam is freaking the hell out. “We need to change him back. Right now!”

“Okay.” Says Dean, patting Cass’ black hair gently, “Tell me what happened.”

Sam takes a breath, feeling some of Dean’s calmness transfer to him.

“Alright, after you left, I heard someone in the bunker.” He gestures to the library, “Cass was in there and he was holding the pearl – the one that grants wishes – and then… poof! Cass just lights up and vanishes.”

Dean bites his lips, “Sneaky bastard.” He whispers, “I was out. Looking for him. I saw this little guy in the bushes. I didn’t realise it was him until he started calling me Dean even though I hadn’t told him my name and tried to smite the squirrel that tripped him on the way in.”

Sam considers this, “You were just going to bring a strange child into our home then.”

“It’s not like that.” His brother protests, “I had a feeling.”

Scoffing, Sam decides it’s not the time to pick a fight with Dean, “So Cass remembers that he’s an angel and has powers. He obviously remembers you. So that’s a start.” Sam racks his mind for a plan of action. The sooner they get Cass back the better. “We need to start researching right away.”

Dean holds up his bandaged finger. “I’d say.”

…

Sam glances up from his book onto to find Dean using a pullback car to knock over a bottle of beer while Cass giggles loudly. Damn his head hurts. Once again, Dean had stuck him with the task of pouring through the lore.

He rolls his eyes.

“Keep you pre-schoolers quiet Dean.” He warns, “Or they’ll never turn into real men.”

Cass cocks his head, trying to figure out what he’s saying. While Dean simply sticks his tongue out. “Come on Sam.” He says teasingly, “Don’t be the Grinch. He’s pretty fun like this.”

Sam doesn’t doubt it. He just wonders why Dean isn’t more concerned about there being an angel trapped in the body of a three year old.

“Come play with him a bit. I’ve needed to pee for about an hour.” Dean stands and Sam can only describe the expression on Cass’ face as heartbreak. The joyous expression that was there just a second ago just melts away and Cass is almost in tears.

“Hey. Hey.” Sam tries to comfort him.

One hand reaches out and Cass’ chubby fingers grab at Dean’s receding figure.

“Cass.” He coos, “It’s going to be fine. Dean is coming back in less than a minute.” If he prays hard enough.

Biting his lip, he looks around at the mass of playthings Cass had managed to accumulate during his short tenure as a… child.

He tries distracting him with the car, the angel statue and even Dean’s slinky but to no avail. The screams that follow have Sam wanting to claw his eardrums out.

“Please stop.” He begs.

“Dean!” The child cries fat tears making the trek down his cheeks. Cass glares almost accusingly at Sam and screams again.

How does it take Dean so long to pee? He’s pretty sure his brother must be hearing the screams wherever he may be in the bunker.

“Dean!” Sam bellows joining Cass in his shouting. A few more minutes and he’ll be joining Cass in crying too.

Sam swears that the heavenly trumpet sounds as Dean’s footfalls echo through the corridor. Grabbing Cass, Sam bolts to meet him half way, practically shoving him into Dean’s arms. Cass is instantly calm. He just sits happily in Dean’s lap with wet cheeks and snot on his face while he stares at him with bright blue eyes. To his dismay Dean just stares back, amused.

What the hell? Shouldn’t he… no, Sam realises, that would be weird. To chastise their friend. But Sam has a hard time associating this bumbling, screaming child with the impassive angel he knows and loves. The strange thing though, is that Dean doesn’t. He treats Cass as he normally would, besides the constant cursing. Oh, and now Dean had taken to throwing him up in the air and spinning him around till he’s walking funny. Great.

A thought pops into his head unbidden. Sam hates himself for it but he knows it’s for the good of Cass.

“Dean.” He says tentatively. “Come here a second would you.”

“You found something?” he asks, immediately jogging over. Baby Cass follows slowly, his face once more set up like a thunder storm.

“I think we should drop him off at Jody’s.” he says quickly, not wanting to hurt Cass’ feelings.

Looking at Dean for an opinion he’s stunned to find a look of acute betrayal on his brother’s face. “How could?” he demands, pointing accusingly at Sam, “This is Cass, no way are we just shipping him off.”

He sighs. “You’re over reacting Dean.” He tries again, “Think about it. We can’t have a child here. Everything is a hazard. What if he falls down in the stairs? What if he grabs a pot from the stove? Or one of our weapons and hurts himself? Every second since he’s come back has been constant paranoia – not to mention I can barely think with the noise.”

“Cass is still Cass. He won’t do anything stupid.”

Sam raises his eyebrows and gestures to the child who is almost swimming in Dean’s oversized shirt. He swings his hips left to right and watches as the jersey swishes.

“We can’t even clothe him.” he says gently, “We aren’t fit to raise a child Dean.”

Hurt flashes across his brother’s face. But it’s the truth as he sees it.

“When I was a child.” Dean says slowly, “I raised you.” Dean locks eyes with him and Sam is almost ashamed to see the hurt still lingering.

“I know you did Dean.” He breathes out, “And I’m forever grateful to you. I know you did the best you could but you know as well as I do that this isn’t the right place for Cass.”

“I _don’t_ know that.” He hisses turning to scoop Cass up and stomp away.

“Where are you going?” Sam calls.

“Out.” He snaps, “We need supplies and since you’re so concerned about everything why don’t you come with. Pick up a few tips from the master.”

…

Sam feels like everyone is watching them.

Of course they aren’t. But if anyone even asks for documentation they’re completely screwed. He knows for a fact that neither of them would let Cass get taken without a serious beat down.

Dean jabs his shoulder, apparently having forgotten about his earlier anger. “I thought about making a mini trench coat out of the original… then I realised Cass will skin me alive when he gets back and I’ve shredded his only outfit.”

“What’d you do with it then?” Sam wonders. The trench coat is iconic in his eyes. Cass is naked without it.

Shrugging, Dean fingers a red onesie before chucking it into the cart. “It’s under my bed.”

Even though there’s a seat for Cass right at the top of the cart he still chooses to cling to Dean like a new born babe. It’s starting to get weird.

“Why won’t he let you go?”

“I don’t know.” Dean lies. Sam can tell, by the way his hands tighten around the child and steps away.

Fine. He decides to leave it for the time being.

“He doesn’t seem to like me.” he says instead.

Dean scoffs, like that’s the most ridiculous idea in the world. “He loves you with all his little heart Sammy.”

“Of course. Which is why he screamed bloody murder as soon as you left him alone with me.”

Dean remains silent then, pretending to be engrossed in socks.

Sam huffs and pushes the cart past them. Hmm.

Bees.

Cass seemed to really like them at one point. He fingers the stuffed toy, cringing at the too wide eyes. He tosses it in, along with a platypus and an octopus that sings.

A loud screech and Dean cursing has him jolting into action. He sees Cass running towards him with a gigantic box of Legos and Dean chasing after him.

Beaming at Sam, he tries to drop the box into their trolley.

“No way Cass.” He says, then glances up to Dean, “Those things are like a death trap.”

“I know.” He crouches next to Cass, patting his head, “We got to put those back buddy.”

Sam doesn’t see what Cass does next but he definitely sees the way Dean’s eyes soften and he smiles, “Fine. They get to stay.”

Mouth dropping open, he does a double take. How could Dean give in to puppy dog eyes so easily?

Cass turns to Sam next pointing at the bee, “Sam, I want bee.” He says, pressing his face into the bars and sticking his lip out.

Sam hands the bee over.

Dean laughs as Cass skips around, making buzzing sounds and waving the bee around. “He’s in love with that bee.”

Smiling, he nods.

He has to admit. Cass is really adorable like this. Laughing. Playing. No frowns or pinched expressions in sight.

The mood is broke though when Dean picks up a potty trainer. Sam feels almost scandalised even thinking about his friend using that and Dean picks up on it. “What is he supposed to do Sam? He could drown in the real toilet and I’m not taking that chance.”

If this trip had done anything it would be proving Sam wrong about Dean. Dean knows what he’s doing. And Sam is sorry that he ever doubted it.

They cash and after Samuel Price buys Cass a small fortune in clothes, toys and supplies, they head out for a late night snack.

“You want some cake buddy?” Dean asks.

Cass stops playing with his bee and shakes his head solemnly, no. “I _need_ pie.”

Pressing a hand to his mouth does nothing to hide how wide his smile is.

“That’s my boy.”

Sam hates to be that guy, but it has to be said. “He doesn’t have teeth. How’s he going to eat pie?”

“First of all, try telling my finger that he’s got no teeth.” Dean grins, “Second… he needs solid food, even if it’s only the filling.”

“You just want to turn him into a mini-Dean.” Teases Sam. “You know he’s not going to stay like this forever right.”

Looking uncomfortable once again, Dean sips his soda. “Let’s enjoy it while we can then.”


	3. Gripped You Tight And Raised You From Position - Perfiddle!

Sam walks into Dean’s room to hear shouting and yelling from Dean and a series of high pitched giggles from Cass. Peeking in he sees Cass with his itsy bistey baby arms wrapped around Dean’s hips holding him about two inches off the ground. Both sway, off-kilter around the room. Cass with a grip of iron and Dean trying to latch onto something before he squashes the child

“Cass what are you doing little man?!” Dean shrieks, flailing.

“I’m gripping you tift and raising you from position.” He laughs, “Perfiddle.”

“Perdition?” Sam offers.

Baby Cass shrieks in joy and places Dean on his feet before hobbling over to Sam and peering up at him with wide blue eyes. “Thank you Sam.” In that moment he sounds so much like the old Cass that Sam wants to weep.

Despite how cute and jovial the angel now is… he finds himself selfishly missing his friend. He misses talking with him and having his shoulder to lean on.

He cannot even fathom how Dean is managing this whole… paradigm shift.

It’s the only way Sam can describe the situation. Where Sam and Cass are close; Dean and Cass are inseparable (as both angel and child it seems). For Dean to go from friend to father must have been jarring. Though, his brother doesn’t seem to be moping or wallowing in booze and bacon to drown his loss. In fact, Dean seems to be the best father ever to Cass; taking care of him and pampering him endlessly. However, Cass doesn’t make things difficult either. The worst thing he does is be loud, or cry when Dean leaves and, of course, the Legos. Damn the Legos. Cass is – for lack of a better word – a little angel.

Dean glances up at Sam, “I see that he’s still got super-strength.”

“And some memory of saving you from the pit.”

“That’s slightly worrying.” Dean admits, pushing himself upright. “I mean. What if he remembers everything and he’s trapped in there in this child sized body in his mind and he can’t comprehend why.”

Sam bites his lip. He’d been worried about that himself, but he looks over to Cass and gestures that Dean follow suit. “He looks like a happy little child.”

Dean chews on his lip, still clearly uneasy. “Okay.” He sighs. “We’ll leave him be for now.”

“So get this.” Sam says, flicking his hair back, “Turns out that the gem – pearl – that he was holding has the power to grant wishes.”

“Uh-huh. Let’s get along with it.”

“Some lore says that breaking it or shattering it will reverse the wish.”

“What does the other lore say?”

Sam gulps, “That’s where things get tricky. Dean, shattering it could also just trap him – set things in stone if you will.”

“Then we can’t take that chance.” Dean says firmly. “We’ll find another way. You know we always do.”

“I know.”

Glancing over to Cass once more Dean looks edgy. “I wonder what he wished for.”

Incredulously, Sam looks over, “Isn’t it obvious?”

“I highly doubt that he _wished_ to become part of the terrible three’s group.”

“I mean,” Sam shrugs, “Maybe he did. What if he wants a real human experience like from childhood go all the way up.”

“Nah.” Dean says, “That’s not it.”

“Do you know something I don’t?”

Silence. Dean’s expression is guiltier than ever. “Dean, if it’s something that can help him then you better spit it out.”

Clearly wanting to chance tack, Dean begins to spout ideas. “What if we figure out what his wish is and then we – I don’t know, fulfil it?”

“Great plan. But how the hell do we actually do it?”

“Beats me. I’m exhausted right now Sam. He’s been playing around with me all day for the past few days and I’ve been up researching with you most nights.”

“Okay. Okay. I’ll scram and let you and the kid get some sleep.”

“Thank you.” he exhales. “Cass! Time for beddy-bye.”

Yup. He needs to get out of this place before he, too, gets suckered into calling it ‘beddy-bye.”

Not five seconds later he hears Dean groan. Should he have offered to take a shift with Cass? It seemed useless at the time because all he does in Sam’s company is cry until Dean comes to rescue him. He turns on his heel and heads back to Dean’s room.

“You need -?” He breaks off as he finds Dean and Cass locked into an epic stare down.

“Whatcha doin’ Cass?”

“I’m watching over you.”

“More like creeping me out.” He mutters.

The angel cocks his head, “Don’t lie Deeean.” He teases, “You wuv it.”

A laugh, “Maybe.”

There’s a beat of silence before Dean speaks again, “So uh, you remember what you wished for?”

“Huh?”

“I’ll take that as a no.”

“Deeean.”

“Caaasss.” The angel giggles, “Are you happy?”

“Very.” Cass assures, “Are you happy? You seem really sad sometimes.”

Dean is silent and Sam feels like an actual bitch for eavesdropping on them but for some reason his feet remain rooted in place.

“I – I enjoy this side of you… very much. And yeah, it makes me happy. But you see, I have this friend. Older. Like super old. Ancient. He’s a dinosaur.” Cass giggles, “But he left. And it was sort of my fault and now I wish he’d come back.”

“You need to look for him Dean.” Cass pleads, “What if he’s lost in bushes like me?”

“Funny story.” Dean says in a voice is expresses anything but humour, “I went looking for him and that night I found you instead.”

“I’m happy Dean found me.” mutters Cass, “And I’m sowwy about your friend.”

“It’s okay.” Dean assures, “I’m working on getting him back.”

Sam walks away then, his mind burdened with all the new information and it drives him to do something awful… something he promised himself he’d never do…

Sam _combs_ through the footage on his secret cameras. Mostly, he focuses on the night Cass had left. _Left._ And Dean hadn’t even said a word to him.

He’d put up the cameras some time ago as a precaution. Security, in case something was stolen or things looked out of place. His one failing had been the lack of audio. He sees them fighting. But he doesn’t understand what it’s all about.

Of course he could ask Dean. But his brother would pull the Winchester special and deny everything until his dying breath, despite having spilled the beans to a small child.

Why had Cass left? Why had Dean followed?

How on earth had they missed each other?

Why had Cass come back? And, most importantly, what was his infamous wish?

…

“Cass!” Dean exclaims, diving after him with a loud crash. He chases the angel, waving the hair brush like a threat. Sam smiles, despite the distraction. He remembers Dean doing that with him when he was younger. Where Dad left his hair an untameable mess, Dean always made sure that it was relatively neat. He remembers grumbling when Dean yanked on a knot or scratched his scalp with the brush.

He’d give almost anything to have that now.

Cass shrieks as Dean catches him around the waist placing the brush in his hair. “Sam first! Sam first!”

Oh that little…

He manages to spring to his feet just as Dean barrels into him. “I’ll hold him down while you brush his hair.” Dean squeeze his arms and legs, locking him into place as Cass brushes – well pats more than brushes – his hair with the brush. It doesn’t even have the right kind of bristles!

“Hmm.” Dean’s voice becomes devious, “Cass, you think it’s time Sam had a trim?”

“Dean!” he snaps, “Knock it off.”

Cass shakes his head, no, emphatically and Sam practically wilts in relief, “I like Sam’s hair. It’s pretty. I want to braid it.”

He struggles harder against Dean but to no avail. He doesn’t want to risk hurting Cass either… angel powers or not.

And that is how Sam ends up with three, messy braids that stick up obnoxiously in all directions. Dean just grins cheekily at him and neatens Cass’ hair. Worst yet is the look Cass gives him every time he’s about to free his gorgeous hair from this horrible style. It’s a look of extreme dejection and disappointment that has Sam giving him a thumbs up, just to keep the peace.

While Cass plays with his bee Dean takes the chance to sneak away and join Sam in researching.

“Any other way?”

“Not that I can tell.”

Dean sighs, scrubbing a hand down his face, “Okay. Then we need to keep the pearl safe… and away from Cass.” Squinting he analyses Sam. “You don’t have the pearl.” He whispers in shock.


	4. In Sickness And In Health

They _scour_ the library for almost a day, both, ruefully coming up empty handed. Dean even goes as far as interrogating little Cass (gently of course) as to the details of his wish and the whereabouts of the pearl. Castiel was clueless on both counts and overall dejected that he wasn’t able to help Dean.

“Wait.” Says Dean, all of a sudden. “I was – well pretty drunk when I found Cass in Lebanon, I might have missed the pearl when I picked him up. It was pretty dark on that street.”

The feeling of dejection lifts slightly and Sam practically pounces to the car.

…

They park on the curb, leaving the windows down for Cass and search the area under the cover of exterminators after a possum. They find Dean’s empty beer bottle telling them they’re in the right place but no pearl. Sam had gotten way too excited over a spherical decorative rock, but other than that, nothing. Zip. Dean was pissed beyond pissed and that seemed to make Cass sad. Sam couldn’t deal with it all right now so he just let them be. Dean would get over it and they would find another way. It was inevitable. They’re the Winchesters.

Cass gives Dean a concerned look before walking off to his play area to help with the bees.

“Sam?” Dean whispers, “Can you watch him tonight?”

“What?” he hisses. Sure, watching Cass wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, except for the constant screaming… but Dean had apparently forgotten that. But he knows what his real problem is, Sam miss their Cass. The one who actually enjoys his company and sits and reads with him. But then, it must be so much worse on Dean. He knows how close the two of them were and Cass’ need to be near Dean had only increased since touching the pearl. Could that be his wish? To be close to Dean? No. They shared their… profound bond or whatever and Sam often found them chatting it up in the kitchen or even in Dean’s bedroom. He hadn’t minded then, because… well, they’re each others’ best friends. And he knows his brother looks for any excuse to goof around – and anyone at all who’ll watch a cowboy movie with him.

“Sam!” Dean snaps, still in the whisper-y, hush hush tone. “Are you even listening to me?”

He smirks, “I think Cass blew my eardrums out the last time I watched him. Permanent damage.”

Dean huffs, not amused, “I’m serious. Look… last night… I woke up after putting Cass to sleep and he was just sitting there, wide awake and friggin’ staring at me man. Like one of those horror movie kids who just…” he makes an eating motion with his hands. “Anyway… I’ve got some things that need takin’ care of. And I can’t do… those things… if I got a little munchkin banging down the door.”

Ugh. “TMI Dean.”

“Tell that to my –”

“Okay. Okay.” Sam says quickly. “I’ll figure it out.”

“Thanks Sam.” Dean slaps his shoulder on his way by.

Cass doesn’t sleep. He seems to still have most of his angelic powers and at least some idea of who Sam and Dean are. Now, they just need to find a way to turn him back without the pearl. If they’re lucky, someone will smash it for them… but when are they ever lucky?

Sam has more immediate problems though. How is he supposed to entertain Cass all night if he doesn’t sleep? Cass had enjoyed the occasional morning run with Sam. But he could not suddenly bring a baby. That’d be plain suspicious. They read together in the library but he doubts a child would be amused by lore books and spells. Maybe…

…

Dean kisses Cass goodnight and Sam almost drops him in shock. Dean doesn’t kiss babies goodnight… not that sweetly… not like he’d actually expect to miss the little rug rat after only one night.

Sam glances down. Oh no. Cass’ face is already set. Expect a cloudy night with heavy showers – of tears.

…

Sam in his distress, almost forgets his plan. He whisks Cass to the library after putting him on his shoulder like he likes Dean to do. That alone seems to calm him for a minute.

“Where is Dean?” he whimpers, his eyes already starting to water. Okay. At least he isn’t screaming.

“Dean has some grown up stuff to do. You’re with me tonight.”

“Dean doesn’t like me.” He frowns, “What I do wrong Tam. Dean said he’d stay. Not leave me.”

“He’s not leaving you.” Sam assures, “Dean adores you but he just… wanted you to spend some time with me. I thought we could read. Well, that I’d read to you.”

Cass seems to consider this before turning to Sam and nodding, “Okay.”

Sam grins and picks up their book for the nigh; Dr Seuss’ ‘The Lorax’.

…

When Sam wakes up from his nap on the couch with ‘The Lorax’ in his lap instead of a baby angel. Damn it. He thought him and Cass were doing so well. Cass sat in his lap like – like a little angel – while he read and laughed and goo-ed and gah-ed at the fluffy trees and the little fishes.

He stretches slowly and heads down the hall to the only place he’s positive Cass would head to… Dean’s room.

He finds the child sitting cross-legged on the floor still wearing his bee pyjamas and intently staring at the door. He glances up and waves at Sam in greeting then returns to staring at the door. Glancing at his watch, he sighs, it’s almost ten. Dean’s most likely sleeping in after his undoubtedly long night.

“Hey Cass, why don’t we get – get breakfast?”

“I don’t need to eat.”

“Right. Yeah.” Hold the phone. “But you _do_ eat. You ate pie and – and that weird thing Dean made for you.”

“Dean is sick.”

“No. No, he isn’t.”

“Then why did I hear him coughing in his room? He seemed really tired yesterday too.” he says with a small pout.

“Hey, don’t worry.” Sam says with a hopefully comforting voice. “Dean is a strong guy.”

Cass still tugs at his pyjamas, seeming unwilling to abandon his vigil.

“Look.” Sam offers standing and knocking on Dean’s door. “Let’s check on him.”

Taking his hand, Cass drags himself to his feet and waits patiently for Dean to open up. Sam has to knock about four more times before Dean finally yanks open the door with a scowl. Wow. Cass was right, Dean really is sick. His nose is irritated and his eyes are red. Ugh and his breath.

“What bad breath you have.” In his best ‘red riding hood’ voice.

“The better to knock you out with dearie.”

“Cass was worried.” At that, Dean glances down. “Hey buddy.”

“Hello Dean.” Cass gives him a small wave. “Why are you icky?”

Dean looks offended, “I ain’t icky.”

Sam rolls his eyes. “Sick Dean. And that’s something I’d like to know too. Were you lying when you told me you needed –” he glances down at Cass, not wanting to be caught in his lie.

Cutting him off Dean says, “Yeah, yeah. So what if I was. Can’t a guy be sick in peace around here?”

“Dean.” Cass reaches up with a grabby motion. The universal gesture for ‘pick me up.’ Dean stifles a cough but complies.

Focusing intently, Cass presses his fingers to Dean’s fore head. Woah. Is he healing Dean? That’s certainly save them the trouble of dealing with a grumpy as hell Dean. Frowning, Cass repeats the gesture with a bit more force. Then again and again until he’s basically banging on Dean’s head.

“Stop. Stop. You’re making it worse, I think.” That seems to make Cass even sadder as he looks down to his hands dejectedly.

Sam wants to warn his brother to be more… delicate? Able to recognise social cues?

“Don’t worry Cass.” He says instead, “You can help Dean do other things.”

“Like?” he looks up at Sam with his wide-eyed, hopeful stare.

“Uh… soup!” Dean nods in agreement.

“I love tomato rice soup Cass. It always makes me feel better.”

Cass wriggles in Dean out from Dean’s hold, forcing Dean to rest him on the floor or let him fall. This is the first time Sam’s seen Cass willingly leave Dean.

“Let’s make soup Sam.” Cass says.

“Don’t you dare stain those pyjamas!” Dean calls hoarsely as they head back to the kitchen.

…

Tomato rice soup is one of the only things Sam can make well. Mostly out of necessity. Dean is… bitchy when he’s sick and this is the only thing that ever calms him down. Sam remembers the first time he ever made it. Back when he was eight and Dean was twelve. Dean told him it tasted horrible… and Sam’s sure it had, but it made Dean smile nonetheless.

Sam snaps out of his reminiscing as he sees Cass headed straight for the knife and onions. He snatches him up and carries him as far away as possible. Dear God, that had been close.

“Cass, no knives.” Says the human to the tiny angel who once commanded the host of heaven with an angel blade up his sleeve, Sam thinks blithely.

“Uh…” he glances around looking for something else. “Ah!” he plucks the ginger tea from the shelf and scoops some of the already boiling water into a tea cup. He crouches in front of Cass. “This is important Cass.” The angel watches him raptly. Sam almost feels uncomfortable under the intensity of his stare. “Dean needs this tea for his throat. But the thing is, he doesn’t like it very much. He usually just puts off drinking it and throws it down the drain as soon as I leave. It’s going to be challenging. Are you up for it? Making Dean drink the undrinkable?

“Yes.”

About ten minutes later, after all the ingredients are in the pot, Sam’s more than interested in whether Cass had been successful.

He finds them both in Dean’s room. Dean lying in bed and Cass sitting next to him, the cup, the only barrier between them.

“Sam. I told him I’m not drinking that crap. Cheap shot sending the kid in with it.”

Sam shrugs.

“Please.” Cass begs. It’s only one word, but he says it so sweetly, cocking his head and sticking his lip out. Sam would give him the keys to the bunker, all his possessions and a pet giraffe if he asked for it right then.

Even the mighty Dean Winchester is powerless in the face of such adorableness. He pushes himself up slowly and holds his hand out. Cass grins and places the cup into Dean’s hand, watching him like a hawk even as he screws his face up in distaste. He doesn’t budge until Dean drains the last drop.


	5. Archangels, Amara... Among Other Things

“Dean look here.” Dean moans in irritation from his spot on the couch.

Sam rolls his eyes but reads the passage aloud. “The Pearl, can make any wish a reality … unless it interferes with cosmic entities such as Archangels, Amara… among others.”

“What the hell?” Dean coughs. “How does that help us?”

“Well… it helps us eliminate what his wish could have been.”

“Yeah, Sam. Cass wished to become a baby to stop the cosmic entities.”

“Don’t be a bitch about it.” he bristles. “Why aren’t you in your room?”

“It’s hot.” Dean gripes.

Cass is at his side, pressing a rag to his head and patting his hair.

“So what are we supposed to do?” he asks. “You’re out… sick as a dog. Cass is… a baby.” Cass glares at him then.

“I can help.”

“I know you can little buddy.”

Dean coughs again and Sam takes his chance. “Cass? Can you bring Dean some more tea? I set it out to cool on the table. Be careful.”

Cass immediately bounds away.

Sam takes his spot at Dean’s side. “Dean.” He says gently. He knows how difficult this would be for Dean to hear. It hurts Sam too, but he understands that it’s for the greater good. “We need to drop him off at Jody’s.”

He feels Dean’s breath stutter. “No.” it’s quick, abrupt. Just as sure as it was the first time. But this time Sam isn’t backing down.

“Dean, keeping him locked here isn’t doing any good.” He keeps his voice even and sincere, “He takes up all your time and energy and we haven’t properly searched in over two days. We still have no idea whether the wish needs to be complete by a certain time, we have no idea what the wish was and we certainly have no clue as to the whereabouts of the pearl.”

“That’s well and good Sammy. But we’re not abandoning Cass.”

“We’re not abandoning him Dean.” He persists. “We’re… taking him on vacation.”

“No.”

“It makes sense.”

“No.”

“Jody knows how to handle kids, he’ll be in good hands.”

“No.”

“Do you really want to raise him Dean? As your kid? When you knew him as your friend? By the time he’s twenty you’ll probably be dead. So do you really want to riase him Dean… if it means losing your Cass?”

“No.” Dean’s voice is quiet, haunted and Sam hates himself for taking this tack. But it’s for the best. He repeats it to himself like a mantra.

Smash!

Cass.

Damnit he forgot about Cass. He’s dropped the cup and tears are running down his cheeks. This time, not even Dean’s words are enough to calm him. He sits not one foot away from the shards of broken glass, wailing and shoving Dean away. He tries and tries to talk to him but nothing breaks though his grief.

“Cass shut up!” it stuns Sam and it certainly stuns Cass who instantly stops crying. Dean bites his lip and looks away. “I’m sorry.”

Cass frowns, crossing his arms. “Dean.”

“I know. I know. I said I’d never leave you.” Dean scrubs a hand across his face, “But to save you… I have to.”

He sees a sorrow, too profound to describe, crash down onto the angel’s countenance. And in that moment Sam understands just how much their bond means to Cass.

“I know you’re a smart guy… and that… you understand that time is of the essence. That you need to let us fix this and get you back to normal.”

“I… understand.” He stares at Dean with teary blue eyes. “I’ll go.”

…

The ride is silent. And Sam can tell that Dean doesn’t want to be here. It would be so much easier for him to stay at the bunker. But Cass wants to say goodbye properly and he wants to ‘eat some pie’ before they go.

Sam doesn’t think it’s a good idea, but he keeps his mouth shut this time. He already phoned Jody and picked up the pie. Dean is lying in the back seat, under the guise that he’s ‘sick’ and ‘wants to sleep’ but Sam knows what he really wants; a few more moments with Cass. Whilst Sam understands that this is temporary (and so does Dean, to some extent) but right now it feels permanent.

“We’re here.” He says, unnecessarily.

Dean gets out and barely manages a smile to Donna before heading inside with Cass.

“Hey.” Sam says in greeting. “Sorry about Dean. He just doesn’t want to leave him. He knows you’re capable b-”

She holds up a hand, “It’s okay Sam. I understand Dean Winchester more than you think.”

That she does.

“Dean packed all his stuff. Toys… clothes…”

“Good.” She waves him inside, “Well, I made dinner. More of the stuff you and Dean liked last time.”

“Yum.”

But as much as Sam wants to enjoy the delicious, home-cooked, meal… he just can’t. Dean is moping into his plate and Cass isn’t much better off. Nothing can be said at this point. But he can’t miss the way that Dean chews ever so slowly or the way he spends ten minutes washing his plate or the way that Cass sticks to his side; a silent pillar, never talking, only holding onto one of Dean’s fingers when he can.

Cass has been surprisingly calm throughout the entire ordeal. Not expressing more emotion than necessary and remaining almost completely silent. It’s only when they’re at the door, when the final good byes are said, that Sam sees his face crack and his emotions spill out.

“You’ll take care Cass.” Dean strokes his head, crouching to give him a kiss. Cass holds onto Dean’s ear but remains otherwise quiet. “We’ll find the cure and come get you in no time. You’ll be good for Aunty Jody okay?”

“Y-e-es De-dean.”

“Damn it Cass.” Dean pulls him back in for a swift hug, swiping the tears off his face. “Don’t you cry no more.”

He nods.

Dean makes it one step before Cass bursts into tears, but despite no one holding onto him, he doesn’t chase after Dean.

Dean sighs, shutting his eyes and starting the engine. By now, Cass has stifled some of his cries and Dean is reversing out the driveway. Sam’s heart is breaking and he’s completely forgotten why he forced them into such a ridiculous idea, he wants to reach out, pull the handbrakes up and stuff Cass back into his car seat.

Dean makes it two inches down the driveway before he jumps out of the moving car and races back up the stairs. Sam doesn’t make out what happens next, because, he’s too busy yanking up the handbrakes to stop the moving car. But when he looks up next, he finds Dean holding the duffel, Cass skipping down the path and Jody waving them goodbye.

Dean gives him an apologetic glance and Sam just nods.

Cass gets in the back seat, grinning for the first time that day. “You didn’t leave me.” he says with wonder.

“I couldn’t.” Dean breathes out, then lower; “If I have to raise him I will, but he _will_ stay with us.”

“Alright.”

Dean smiles then too – for the first time that day. “I even brought along the trench-coat just in case he wanted something familiar.” But the strange timbre of his voice tells Sam that all isn’t well just yet. 


	6. Why Not Set Up A Baby Monitor?

They march into the bunker with an air of jubilation that hadn’t been there when they were gone. Dean’s cough has mostly receded and he wears Cass around his neck like a necklace. Dean prances down the stairs while Cass just giggles and squeals. They spin and spin and Dean drops him on the couch, pretending – or Sam hopes he’s pretending – to lean his weight onto Cass.

“You’re happier like this aren’t you?” he hears Dean murmur.

“Bet he’d be even happier to get to more than three feet.” Sam returns.

What should have been an easy smile from Dean, turns into a grimace. “What if we don’t find a way.” He says slowly, “What if … this could be a – a blessing in disguise for Cass. Being human. The full experience this time. Look at how happy he is.”

“You would have to raise him.” Sam reminds.

“I know.” Is all Dean says.

“You would do that?”

Eyes shining with sincerity, Dean looks down to Cass, “He’s my best friend. I want him to be happy.”

“Dean, what if turns back one day and finds that you’re old… or worse… dead?” Sam asks, because he suddenly feels like he has to remind Dean that they actually do want their friend back to normal. “What do you think he-”

“Ah!” Dean’s expression twists with pain and his knees buckle, sending him crashing to the floor, his muscles spasming.

Survival mode kicking in immediately, Sam crouches and twists Dean’s body to the side undoing his belt to press it between his teeth. Dean’s eyes are rolled back and his skin is almost purple. He hears the wheezing sounds and feels his brother’s body shaking. All the years of training have never prepared him for the fact that a _seizure_ of all things would hurt Dean.

He shares a brief look with Cass, who looks paler than Dean and gestures for him to stay put.

 _Finally_ , Dean’s body stops shuddering and his breath gusts out in shallow pants. It takes everything Sam has, to swallow his questions and not demand answers immediately.

“Don’t move Dean.” He says, voice trembling as he removes the belt from between Dean’s teeth. He sees the tear tracks running down Dean’s face and the way his eyes seem unfocused and dazed. “You’re okay.” He assures, running a hand through Dean’s hair. Sam can hear the scratchiness in his own voice and sense the fatigue in Dean’s muscles as he sags into Sam’s grip. “You’re okay.” He repeats as he notices Dean’s eyes darting back and forth frantically.

“Sammy.” He croaks.

“I’m here Dean.” He assures. “I’m not going anywhere.” _Neither are you,_ he thinks to himself.

Sam can feel the heat just beneath Dean’s skin. “Cass, get me some ice.”

The angel doesn’t even seem to hear him. His jaw is slack and his eyes are completely focused on Dean. Sam snaps his fingers, getting his attention immediately. “Cass, Dean will be okay, but he needs your help okay?”

“Yea Sam.” He says quietly and scurries away to the kitchen.

“Damnit.” He mutters, fisting his hands to stop the shaking. “You scared me Dean.”

“I scared myself.” Dean grits out.

“What was that?” Sam blurts.

Dean looks up at him, and once again, Sam gets the impression that he’s hiding something.

But, being a good brother, Sam just nods and assures him that he’ll be okay.

…

Sam stares at the tiny camera. He originally bought it as a baby monitor to keep an eye on Cass while Dean was asleep, because he knows that that's something his brother constantly worries about him. All he wanted was to placate Dean and let him know that getting a good night's sleep would not mean that Cass is in danger.

But now, staring down at the camera, all he can think about is how unequivocally wrong this is. Because his main reason isn't helping Dean anymore... its spying on him. Because Dean sure as hell is hiding something important, something to do with why he had that seizure and Sam isn't going to let this opportunity pass him by.

Sam is still shaken from seeing his brother flat on the floor, spasming and knowing that he could only stand there and do nothing.

Sneaking in isn't very difficult , especially given that Dean and Cass are in the garage, throwing water balloons at each other. Sam's pretty sure Dean is gonna catch a cold again. And Sam is reluctant to leave Dean in his current condition with only a toddler to watch over him. But this needs to be done.

Sam cracks the door open and peers inside, already taking note of the drastic changes. Where Dean's bed was always impeccably made, it not lies in disarray with extra pillows and blankets for Cass. Toys and puzzle pieces lay strewn on the bedside table and floor. 

Weapons still line the walls but he knows that Cass isn't tall enough to reach them yet. Sam tucks the camera behind the machete Dean brought back from Purgatory and checks his phone to test the quality. Grainy, but it's enough to see exactly what's going on.

...

Sam keeps a close eye on the live feed. All he sees right now is Dean and Cass building a race track. Well... Dean is building, and Cass just sits there staring at him as though entranced.

"Cass hand me the twisty part." Dean orders.

It is a good think Sam picked one with sound.

"I like that you didn’t leave me."

Dean stops assembling the track to stare at him. " I made you a promise."

The grainy picture shows Cass'-shoulders perk up and he leans closer. "Thank you Dean."

Then after a beat. "I love you."

Sam freezes. Dean freezes. Cass just continues his doe eyed look.

Sam almost feels bad for him. Dean’s probably never told a soul that he loves them in his life. He’s said it to Sam once. But even before that, Dean kept it to himself. Sam knew. Of course, Dean loves him, but, it was really nice to hear him say it.

He can’t see Dean’s face right now… but his back his stiff.

Sam wants to run over and stop this train wreck from happening. Because, he knows, that once Dean doesn’t say it back, Cass will think that he doesn’t love him. And Sam doesn’t want him to feel unworthy. He knows for a fact, that Dean loves Cass. He would never take care of him like this if he didn’t.

“I love you too Cass.”

Wait, what?

If the brilliant smile on Cass’ face is anything to go by, then, that actually happened.

“Dean.” Cass rests his head on Dean’s knee. “I like when you tell me things.”

“I like when you tell me things too.” He heard Dean whisper back. “I hope you remember that when you’re big again.” Then, “Do you remember? What it was like before?”

“I can.” Cass whispers, his hands wrapping around each other. “But it’s – it’s…”

“Fuzzy?” Dean asks.

Nodding Cass wakes a gesture with his hands, “Whoosh.” He says, “I loved you then too… but you hurt me.”

“I know.” Dean’s voice is heavy. “But you hurt me too.”

“I did. But I loved you.” Cass reminds, looking up at Dean hopefully.

“Even when you hurt me… I did too.” Dean murmurs, “Do you remember your wish? Something that you really, really wanted?”

It’s as though Sam’s watching the greatest magic act to ever exist. His mind is on edge, his breathing is unsteady and he has a healthy amount of fear that it won’t end as it should.

“I was scared you didn’t want me. Then you didn’t leave me.”

Dean remains silent for a beat. “Is there anything else?”

Cass shakes his head, no. “I be happy Dean. You make me happy.”

“Damn it Cass.” Dean murmurs fondly, petting his head.

Then remain in companionable silence for a few moments. Which is enough time for Sam to fully absorb the weight of what has been said.

“Hey, do you think it’s hot in here?” Dean squirms, tugging at the collar of his shirt. “Cass, I um…” Dean pushes Cass off of him and coughs, “Get Sam.” He rasps, “I can’t –” Sam doesn’t waste any time after seeing Dean clutching at his throat, he takes off, dashing down the hall.


	7. When An Emotionally Constipated Person Says ‘I Love You’

Sam doesn’t remember the way to Dean’s room ever being this long.

He curses the twists and turns that force him to slow down, he hates that Cass is crying and that he doesn’t know how to help Dean.

Sam missed most of the episode and now he just watches Dean panting, clawing lightly at the carpet.

“Don’t move.” His voice is scratchy. He grasps Dean’s hand – the one scratching the carpet – and holds it tightly. “Don’t panic Dean. Just let your body relax.”

Sam’s own hands tremble as he sits with Dean.

Half an hour passes before he trusts himself to speak.

“What’s going on Dean?”

Dean stares back at him tiredly, “Sammy…”

His expression softens… just like it always does when Dean calls him that.

“Dean. You scared me.”

“I scared me too.”

“Just tell me.” Sam pleads.

“I can’t.” Dean sounds guilty, squeezing his eyes shut.

“What do you mean?”

Sighing, Dean keeps his eyes shut, “It won’t kill me Sam… to be honest, I’m not really sure what’s happening either.”

“I can’t lose you again.”

“You won’t”

“Cass won’t either.” It’s a low blow, but he just wishes he could get through to Dean.

Is this something related to Cass’ wish? Is it something else entirely? Sam doesn’t know.

His brother’s green eyes stare up at him then. “You have no right.”

“Don’t work yourself up.” Sam reminds him.

Hefting Dean up, he takes him back to his bed, laying him down as gently as he can.

“Do you want a doctor?” Sam asks quietly. Dean’s skin is still almost blue and he’s burning up. In fact, the entire room feels hot… or is that just the exertion from running all the way here.

“I think you know the answer to that Sam.”

“Damnit.” He mutters.

His eyes drift over to Cass who stands silently in the door way, his eyes wide with concern. “It’s okay Cass.” He says as evenly as he can. “Dean just needs to rest. Let’s go… have fun while Dean works on feeling better. Okay?”

Cass nods slightly. “Dean?”

“I’ll be fine buddy. You and Sam hang out.”

“Feel better.” Cass says.

…

Unsurprisingly, Cass and Sam both aren’t in a very festive mood after seeing Dean like that. But Sam still makes an effort to amuse him, reading more kids books. Like ‘Cat In A Hat.’ He’s pretty sure that the next time Dean takes Cass shopping, he’ll want at least one hat. Sam smiles. He’d look pretty adorable in a hat.

“Is Dean going to die?”

Maybe. “No. Of course not.”

“We were playing …” Cass trails off.

“Hey, it’s okay. None of this is your fault.” He assures. “Dean loves spending time with you.”

Cass nods.

“Me too. I wish Dean could be happy.”

Freezing, Sam’s fingers tremble again.

All this time, they thought that Cass’ wish _must_ have something to do with – well, Cass. It was the logical thing _to_ think. But maybe that had been a wrong assumption. Maybe they all underestimated the profound bond that Dean and Cass share.

But then, that would never really happen would it. Dean being truly happy. It’s … impossible. Sam sags into the chair. Why could nothing ever be easy for them? The only other way to save Cass would be the pearl. The pearl that is lost forever.

…

Sam winces as Dean climbs on the monkey bars. He feels like a parent watching their child play. Except worse. Because he’s constantly thinking… what if Dean had another episode? What if he falls and hits his head? What if he falls on Cass? It’s worse than a circus of clowns.

Sure, bringing them all out for a day of fun had been a nice idea initially. He hoped that he could possibly trick Cass into believing Dean is happy. Now though, it’s like a living nightmare for him. _Of course_ Dean would want to play in the play ground. Of course.

Sam breathes a sigh of relief as Cass points to the sand box. Dean pouts as he leaves the monkey bars but heads over to Cass.

It’s a Monday so the park is completely empty which is why Dean is acting even more Dean-like than usual.

“Sam.” Dean calls. “Come play with us.”

Sam grins. “How can I say no?”

Cass shrieks as he approaches, waving a plastic shovel at him.

“This is good grave-digging practice.” Dean jokes.

He slams his hand across Dean’s mouth, aghast. “Dean.” He hisses. “This is a child.”

“An angel man-child, baby in a trench-coat.” Dean corrects.

Sam rolls his eyes. Dean doesn’t realise just how much Castiel dotes on every word he says.

…

At the bunker, Dean and Cass play Legos and stuffed toys before heading to bed. Sam watches their every move critically and continues watching on the baby monitor while Dean tells Cass to wait on his bed while he heads in the shower.

Cass nods like a nice, civilised little child before bouncing onto Dean’s bed and stuffing his face into the pillows.

Sam watches in amusement as Cass frolicks across Dean’s bed, jumping and playing like he would expect a child to do. The kicker? As soon as Dean shuts the shower off, he’s suddenly sitting pretty again, tugging at the bed sheets to neaten them.

Huffing, Sam laughs. This is an unexpected side of Cass. But he doesn’t really expect Dean to notice a few extra wrinkles in his already unmade bed.

Dean steps out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist and smirks at Cass.

“Had some fun, did you?”

Cass’ innocent expression falters.

Dean laughs at him, reaching over to pinch his cheeks affectionately. “Don’t worry man, you have as much fun as you like. Just don’t fall off and crack your skull.”

Nodding, Cass grins, standing on the bed and jumping up and down. Dean laughs again.

“Hey Cass…” Dean trails off. “I mean… I don’t wanna stop your fun but … I need to change.”

“Okay.” Cass chirps, bouncing once more at the edge of the bed before he skips out of the room.

Sam is about to look away, when he sees Dean pull the trench-coat from a drawer at the top of his dresser. He doesn’t move. Doesn’t make any effort to change. He just stares.

Perching near the edge of his bed, almost out of the camera’s view, Dean touches the coat gently, letting his shoulders sag.

“Damn it.” he mutters.

Sam curses in turn as he moves out of the frame.

Screw privacy. Sam is putting up twenty cameras tomorrow.


	8. Harboring A Pearl

Sam doesn’t buy twenty cameras. He can’t risk leaving the bunker for that long. And the set up time alone would render them moot.

Cass is just as jovial as ever, running around playing with his toys and even just sitting still and staring at Dean while he cooks, or reads, or does anything really. Sam had never realised just how much Dean and Cass doted on each other before this change. He’s almost forgotten what adult Cass is like. They almost seem like two separate people.

Honestly, he doesn’t see the appeal in watching Dean stir cake batter. Sure, he also remembers watching Dean when he was a kid. Amazed that dad trusted his big brother to do so much. But he can’t remember ever watching Dean so attentively – so raptly – like there was nothing more engrossing. Sam mostly stuck around to sneak a taste of some of the batter, or help Dean break the eggs. He grins, remembering just how much cracking an egg seemed to amuse him as a kid.

But Cass doesn’t even try to lick the batter until Dean offers him the lump on his finger. Cass licks it off and beams at Dean, nodding. “Yummy.”

“You betcha.” Dean says, cheerily. He turns to Sam waving another batter dripping finger. “You want some Sammy.”

He holds a hand up. “Pass.”

Dean shrugs, licking his fingers. “Cass is right. It’s yummy in Sammy’s tummy.”

Sam chuckles. “Dean.”

Dean looks back at Cass… guilt is plastered across his face.

…

“Dean can I get a pet?”

Dean spits out his beer.

“Why?” Sam asks, trying to deter the idea. He doesn’t really trust Dean to be a stern authority figure with Cass. He’s allowed him to run wild the majority of the time. Eating pie and sipping bourbon ‘to help with his teeth pain.’ Dean let him turn the pot of soup. Sam almost died in place during that one. Seeing Cass balanced on Dean’s knee, just over a pot of boiling liquid hadn’t been a nice sight.

“I want a panda.” Cass says.

Dean’s eyes shift from left to right. It’s as though… he’s wondering how to steal a panda Ace Ventura style.

Nope. Sam is stepping in.

“Cass, pets are a ton of work. And Dean and I don’t have the time to help you.”

Dean looks at him like he just chucked a good cherry pie in the garbage. Oh come on! Sam rolls his eyes.

“Think smaller Cass.” Dean says gently.

“A … penguin!”

Sam groans. “Think, bunker friendly.”

“A cat!”

“Dean’s allergic.”

“A squirrel!”

Dean laughs. “No squirrels. And we’re watching all the Ice Age movies.”

“A bee?” Cass’ voice squeaks and he gestures to his plush bee.

Sam winces. “They sting.”

“An ant?” Cass’ voice is small.

“Jackpot!” he ruffles Cass’ hair. “You can even have ten. Just keep them in their enclosure.”

“Thank you Dean.”

…

Dean is planning an excursion to a pet store tomorrow. To get Cass some ants and an enclosure. Sam isn’t too happy about the whole thing, but he sucks it up.

After all, he’d made his discovery today…

Dean only started getting sick – fever, chills, fits – after baby Cass arrived.

_“He’s my best friend. I want him to be happy.”_

_“I love you too Cass.”_

Just before Dean’s seizures… that’s what he said.

Sam doesn’t want to think it. But the evidence is there. Whatever the reason may be, Dean expressing his emotions to Cass, is what causes his seizures.

Sam wrings his hands together as he watches Dean head for the shower. How is he supposed to tell his brother this? It will _break_ Dean’s heart.

Sam sits in silence, not even the sounds of Cass frolicking about in Dean’s room is enough to lift his spirits.

When Dean comes out and shoos Cass out of his room, he once again sits on his bed, cradling the trench-coat in his arms.

“What are you hiding Dean?” Sam whispers, leaning closer.

Dean glances at the door, staring a long moment before dipping one hand into the folds of the trench-coat. He fists something in his hands and presses the fist to his head. “Shit.” He holds the object between two fingers, his shoulders blocking Sam’s view once again.

“Shit!” Dean repeats.

They say betrayal is only betrayal if it comes from someone you love. But the intense burning Sam feels in his gut isn’t exactly betrayal. It’s utter confusion. He can’t process what he thinks he’s seeing. It makes no logical sense. It lines up with nothing that he’s ever known to be true about his brother. He thought Dean wanted their Cass back more than anything. Sure, he’s grown pretty attached to baby Cass but… that doesn’t mean that he would sacrifice the real Cass.

Sam stares at Dean, bewildered.

He doesn’t comprehend this. He doesn’t understand how he missed the signs – how he had been so oblivious.

Sam gapes in stunned, sombre, silence… as Dean twirls the tiny object between his fingers.

The tiny, white, spherical, object… that can be nothing but the missing pearl.


	9. Just Peachy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is... the highly anticipated chapter...
> 
> dun dun dun

Dean replaces the trench coat and the pearl and then welcomes Cass back into his room jubilantly. Swirling him around and letting him bounce on his bed.

Sam can’t believe it. Maybe Dean not telling him about the pearl has something to do with why he’d been collapsing as of late.

Sam wracks his mind, trying to remember all that he knows about the pearl.

He knows that breaking it would negate any wish in progress. He knows that wishes can’t circumvent cosmic entities. He knows that Dean has the pearl. He shakes his head, refocusing on the camera.

Cass sits quietly, watching as Dean sleeps. Every so often he’d stick his hand out, near Dean’s nose, as if to check that he’s breathing before patting his hair lightly. Just as Sam’s about to kneel over from lack of sleep the little blur that is Cass toddles off the bed and heads over to Dean’s dresser. He quietly makes a pile high enough to get the top drawer. Sliding it open, he glances back at Dean ever so often to make sure that he’s still asleep.

Sam sees the pearl gleam past his stubby little fingers.

No way.

 _Baby Cass_ knows about this too. What the actual hell? Cass knows, but Dean doesn’t know that he knows. And Dean knows, but Cass doesn’t know that he knows. And Sam knows, but neither of them knows that he knows. He just wants to smash that pearl now, more than ever. But first, he has to find out why Dean hasn’t done it yet. He doesn’t want to risk exacerbating his condition needlessly.

Maybe he can guilt Dean into admitting that he has the pearl. Time to rest his puppy dog eyes.

…

“Sam?” Dean asks, walking over. “Why are you sitting here looking so grouchy?”

“I’m not grouchy.” He says. “I’m just pearly.” He covers his mouth. “Peachy!”

Dean frowns at him and walks away stiffly.

Sam grins to himself. Slowly but surely, he’s breaking down Dean’s walls.

What he doesn’t understand is why Cass hasn’t told him about the pearl. He should want to return to normal more than anything. Sure, him and Dean hang out a lot more now, but that’s hardly comparable to being human sized and being able to fend for yourself. Cass should be just as eager as the rest of them to get back to normal.

…

That night, after dinner, Sam makes a show of walking around the bunker, scrubbing viciously at his teeth.

“What the hell Sam?”

“Just brushing my pearly whites Dean.” He chirps.

Dean winces again.

“Just don’t do it in my presence.”

…

Then at breakfast, Sam forces himself to eat the white version of cocoa puffs. As Dean walks into the kitchen he holds up one grain and looks at it speculatively. “Doesn’t this remind you of something Dean?”

Dean sighs, shutting the freezer door without retrieving anything. He faces Sam and crosses his arms. “You know.”

He gives a large, fake smile. “Yup, me and my pearly whites and my pearly cereal all know. And that pearl of a child we call Cass – he knows too.”

“Cass knows?” Dean’s face turns white. “Why did you tell him?”

Sam huffs. “Of course, that’s what you take away from this.”

“Why did you tell him?” Dean repeats.

“I didn’t.” he says. “Cass is a bit of a snoop.”

“He takes after you then.” Dean retorts.

“Why haven’t you used it?” Sam snaps. “Or if – for some miraculous reason – you couldn’t smash it. Give it to me. I’ll do it.”

“No.” Dean moves to block the exit.

“Is this how this is going down?”

“It doesn’t have to be.” Dean says shortly.

“Great. Then give me the pearl.”

“You don’t understand!” Dean’s voice raises.

“Then explain it to me.” he begs.

Dean’s shoulders fall in defeat. Sam’s pretty sure that he could just run right past him and Dean wouldn’t budge. That isn’t what he wants though.

“Tell me what’s going on.”

“I c-can’t.” Dean shakes his head, staring down at his hands. “I know the right thing to do would be just to break the pearl and end this mess.”

“But?” he says slowly.

“Cass is going to leave.” When his brother meets his eyes next they’re filled with tears. “I was an ass Sam. He’s going to leave.”

“He won’t leave Dean.” Sam promises. “It’s highly likely that he’ll remember his time as a child. He won’t leave when he knows what you did for him.”

“What I did for him?” Dean snares. “You mean how I kept him trapped in the body of a poor defenceless child?”

“You took care of him.” Sam says carefully. “When even I couldn’t. That has to count.” He pauses. “Dean I think whatever his wish was, I think it’s affecting you too.”

“I know.” Dean looks away.

“Then you know why I have to do this.” The ‘even if it means Cass leaves,’ remains unspoken.

“Just don’t.”

“Dean.”

“Let me say goodbye.”

Sam nods reluctantly and he leads them out of the room. Walking down the corridor to Dean’s room feels like a walk to death row. Maybe it’s because Dean walks with his shoulders hunched and his jaw clenched, as though gearing up for a confrontation.

Cass immediately senses something off and abandons his play things.

“Dean?” he cocks his head as he stares up at Dean.

“Heyo Cass.”

“What wrong?”

“Nothing.” Dean says quickly. “Sam is just going to take you to the kitchen for a snack okay?”

Dean crouches and ruffles his hair before pulling him into a hug. “I hope you remember this.” He breathes, his words muffled by Cass’ shoulders.

He releases Cass and pats him one last time on the shoulder, as he’s seen them both do so many times before. Almost in slow motion he sees Dean reach for the top draw and in the same instant he sees Cass’ face change completely. He’s never seen a toddler look quite so distressed.

“No!” he yanks on Dean’s pant leg, sending the pearl flying out into the hallway. The three of them make a mad dash for it but Sam reaches first – the perks of having long legs. Sam stares at it, wondering what to do. Everything is happening too fast, and Cass clearly doesn’t want to get turned back. But should his decision even count right now? He’s a child.

Just as he’s shoving the pearl into his pocket, wanting to let them all have a moment to think clearly about the situation, Cass topples into him sending him crashing into the wall.

A sickening crunch silences them all.

Sam retrieves the pearl from his pocket and holds it up. There’s the tiniest jagged line curving around the pearl.

“It’s just a crack.”

Dean laughs. “Cass. I love you. I hope you remember this.”

Dean’s door slams shut.


	10. The World Is Your Oyster

Sam glances down at the pearl in his hand when all the lights in the bunker flicker. He gulps, shuffling uneasily.

“Cass?” he says quietly.

“Sam?”

Oh no. Panic grips him. Baby’s don’t speak in deep voices.

Never, in a million years, would Sam have thought that he wouldn’t be happy to see the real big, Cass. But he feels his heart from and the pearl fall from his slackened grip.

“You’re back?” his voice sounds dejected.

“You don’t sound very happy.” The bunker lights flicker on.

There’s Cass. He’s back to normal alright. And naked. Completely naked. The trench-coat is cast aside, just near Dean’s door and Cass bends slowly to retrieve it, using it to cover himself.

“What’s going on?” he says slowly.

Sam is about to blurt everything out, when he suddenly has a much better idea. They still have no idea what Cass’ wish was in the first place. They still have no idea why Dean reacted like that to Cass’ affection. “What’s the last thing you remember.”

“I was coming back…” He says. “To tell you goodbye.”

Ah, so Cass doesn’t remember his time as a child then. So much for that.

“And you touched something.” Sam supplies. “Something magical.”

Worry passes across Cass’ face. And he backs into the Dean’s door. “Sam… what happened?”

“It… set everything up so that you could fulfil your greatest wish.” He glances at Dean’s door sadly. This isn’t what his brother needs now, to hear them hashing everything out in the hallway, when he wants to be alone. “Let’s head to the kitchen huh?”

Cass nods, with this petrified look on his face. He glances at Dean’s door and back to Sam, seeming to realise his intent. “Let’s go.”

…

They settle opposite each other on the kitchen table. “I know Dean still doesn’t want to see me. That’s why you brought me here.” Cass looks uncomfortable in his own skin, his voice sounds shaky.

“Hey. If you need some time to recuperate… just say the word. We can talk anytime.” So don’t leave, are his unspoken words.

“No!” he says quickly, then presses a hand to his head. “I feel… strange. Like my skin isn’t mine. I mean, it isn’t mine, but it feels like I’m bursting from the seams.”

Sam coughs. “Well… you’re gonna laugh when you hear this.” He says half-heartedly. “Right.” He pauses. “You touched the pearl and turned into a toddler.”

“That – that…” Cass clamps his jaw shut for almost a full minute before speaking again. “I can’t believe that my wish _my one wish_ would be used to turn me into a child.” Sam is about to interject, something about the universe working in strange ways, but Cass interrupts him again. “I’ve never wanted to be a tiny, defenceless, human child Sam!”

“I know.” He says, while Cass is simpering in his anger.

“And I suppose you were the one to take care of me.” For some reason, _that_ is what infuriates Sam. Dean had been the one to wait on him hand and foot while he was a kid. It’s unfair that he should just throw everything back on Dean. It’s also unfair to blame Cass for something he can’t even remember. Sam runs a hand through his hair. “Dean – Dean obviously didn’t even want to see me when I came back.”

The tremble in Cass’ voice reminds him that to Cass… their fight was just minutes ago, and not weeks.

“How long was I like that?” his voice is small. No longer does he have that child life innocence, the kind, soft spoken voice that bespeaks a sheltered life.

“Weeks.”

“And you took care of me? For all of that time?” His eyes widen and he moves over to Sam. “Sam, thank you-”

He moves away from Cass’ hug with a pinched smile. “I’m ashamed of this Cass… but I didn’t take care of you.” he sees the hurt in his friend’s eyes. “Not that I didn’t want to. It’s just – you were suddenly this delicate little flower and I had no clue what to do.”

“So you just left me?” Sam panics. There’s something that he should say – and fast. He can tell Cass is one bad look away from just leaving again. But for the life of him, Sam can’t remember what he’s supposed to say.

“I’m sorry.” He blurts. “You were just – just not Cass and I couldn’t even believe it. You left your toys everywhere!”

“I had toys?”

“Yeah – and – and you kept crying every time we were alone together because you preferred –” _Dean._

“Preferred what?” Cass’ voice is gentler this time.

“What you always prefer.” Sam says vaguely a small smile flitting across his face. “Dean.”

It’s then that Sam remembers what he’s supposed to be saying. That Dean never left him and all of that. It had become such a casual – normal – thing that he hadn’t paid it a second thought. “Dean was the one who took care of you when I couldn’t. He fed you and watched over you.” he sees Cass sink down in his seat. “He got you new toys and clothes. Cass… he treated you like he’d treat his own son. And – you – you had him wrapped so tight around your finger that he was about to get a pet. Cass he literally doted on you. His world revolved around you – making you happy. Keeping you safe. Making sure that you were okay when he wasn’t.”

“I wish I could remember.” 

He sighs. “I’m pretty sure that Dean wishes that too.”

“You knew how to turn you back… and you knew where the means to do it was… but you chose to stay in this form.” Sam says. “Maybe… because Dean wouldn’t leave you. No matter what. Cass, I’m telling you man. He took the best care of you.”

“Then I should thank him.” Cass says, standing decisively.

Sam does, what any reasonable person would do. No, he doesn’t follow him back to Dean’s room. He whips out his laptop and watches in high definition.


	11. Love Is A - - Closed, Locked Door

Sam watches in HD as Dean sits on his bed for the better part of an hour while Cass tries to convince him to let him in. He sees his brother whip out his trusty head set and begin blasting who knows what through his brain. Sam wants to reach in there and wring his neck. But Dean’s room is sacred and he feels like a dick for bugging it. Once he’s sure that Dean really is in good health, he’ll remove his camera immediately.

Cass must also realise the sanctity of Dean’s room, since he doesn’t break the door down. That room is the one place Dean can choose who he talks to and how he interacts. No one in their right mind would take that away from him for a selfish reason.

“What’s that.”

Cass’ voice from behind him causes him to slam his laptop shut… but not fast enough.

“Why are you looking at Dean on your computer?” he questions.

Sam grits his teeth. What’s a good lie?

“You were spying on him.” Cass deduces. “Why?”

“Don’t worry.”

Immediately, Cass beings to worry. “What’s wrong Sam? Is Dean in danger?”

“Relax. He should be fine now.”

“Should?” Cass’ voice is shrill. “Now?” he closes the distance between them and flips open the laptop. “What happened while I was… incapacitated? And what are you doing to fix it?”

“Sit.” He says gently. “Now, I don’t think Dean knows that I know this. But something about your wish had a negative effect on him.”

Paling, Cass pulls a seat next to him. “What do you mean… negative?”

Sam remembers his brother, seizing on the floor. Neither of them understanding why or how this could have happened. “He started… having these seizures.” He isn’t about to tell Cass that moments of affection brought them on. He can spare his friend that one indignity.

“Sam I would never…” Cass splutters, his eyes darting to and fro. “I would never wish any malice towards Dean. I promise.”

“I know.” Sam says genuinely, wanting to convince Cass that he doesn’t blame him for anything. “But… do you remember what you wished for?” Maybe something had come back to him in the space of time.

“No.” Cass says sullenly.

“Do you remember what you were feeling just before you touched the pearl?”

Cass pauses to think. “I…” he swallows. “I was on my way back to say goodbye to you. Dean and I… the argument we had – I believed that he would never forgive me. Maybe I hoped to see him again?” The last part is weak.

Sam bobs his head. “Yeah. But Dean left the bunker you know… to look for you.”

“He did?”

“Yeah.” Sam isn’t the one who should be saying these things, but Cass does need to hear them. It’s truly a shame that he can’t remember his time as a child.

“Do you… um… what was your state of mind… when you actually touched the pearl?”

“I felt sad.”

Sam feels like he’s pulling nails with his teeth. “And what did you want more than anything in that moment.”

Cass’ expression is raw. He doesn’t like Sam’s new line of questioning. “What I always want.” He murmurs, echoing Dean’s words from earlier. “Dean.”

Scratching at his chin, Sam tries to avoid mentioning what that sounds like. “But you had Dean.” He says, “Entirely.” Sam bows his head. “So why has he shut the door on you now? I mean, he probably feels conflicted. He had kid you for so long it must feel akin to losing a child. You know Dean can be sentimental. Even though it was you… it wasn’t really you. Now he might just need time to come to terms with the regular Cass that he knows and lo-”

A stinging in his arm alerts him to Cass’ vice like grip.

“What’s going on?” Sam demands.

“I think I remember something…” his eyes shift, “Sam… love is an open door. Do you want to build a snowman?”

Confusion washes over Cass’ face even as he said the words. But Sam recognises it. From Frozen. Cass had made both brother sit through it at least five times, dubbing Sam the moose, Fenn and Dean, Anna. Cass, of course, was the adorable Olaf.

“That’s a memory alright.” He murmurs.

Sam wrangles the pearl from his pocket and rests it on the table. The tiny crack he’d seen before now looks like an indentation – a slight imperfection in the pearl.

“Did the pearl look like this when you picked it up?” Sam asks quickly, resting the pearl and the napkin it’s wrapped in on the table. If not the pearl? Then what had made this splintering noise? He feels around in his pocket again and comes across something damp. Sam swallows as he looks at his blue stained fingers.

“I don’t know.” Cass says, oblivious to him. “I didn’t look at it long before…” Cass trails off as his eyes rest on the broken pen.

Sam sighs. “I know.”

Eyes widening, Cass stands abruptly. “You said – Dean. He was affected by this. We have to check on him.” Cass vanishes around the corner almost instantly.

Sam is hot on his tail. In his haste he completely forgot to check the camera in Dean’s room. If the pearl really isn’t broken… then how did Cass’ wish revert?

…

Dean’s room hasn’t been completely silent for a long while. Now that it is… he feels hollow. Like the light from his life had just been sucked out.

Cass isn’t fun sized anymore. He probably doesn’t remember a second of Dean’s attentive, gooey parenting. He’ll be back to hating him in ten seconds flat.

Dean sighs, listening to the silence once more. It sounds different this time. Like… whirring.

He rolls out of bed and listens closely, working his way towards the noise.

Plucking the camera from behind his blade, he crushes it in his fist, cursing loudly.

Sam. Little bastard had been keeping tabs on him. That must be how he found out about the pearl. Anger runs through him, taking control of his every thought and movement. He misses Cass and he hates this entire situation, now it’s all just boiling over into a great big mound of anger.

Marching straight to the kitchen, he’s amped up enough to take both Sam and Cass in a fight if he needs to. All his adrenaline falls away though as he finds the empty room waiting for him. Empty, except for a broken pen and the pearl.

Sam had lied to him. The pearl is intact. Not a crack in sight.

Dean holds it up to the light and squints… nothing but smoothness.

Sam’s in for one bitch of a show down; that fuc-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm... what happened with that last line... 
> 
> I wonder...


	12. One Step Forward And Two Steps Back

Sam barrels into Dean’s room and almost falls face first into Cass Legos.

Dean isn’t there.

He whips around, ready to tell Cass to check the garage or the movie room for any sign of Dean… only… Cass is gone too.

Sam feels his vision narrow and his head spin.

He rushes to the kitchen, his eyes zeroing in on pearl on the ground.

Dean wouldn’t have.

But he left it on the table. It wouldn’t have just rolled away on its own.

Dean is in some unknown location, fulfilling some unknown wish and Sam has no idea to cope. He was barely above water when Dean was having seizures, but to have lost his entire brother? And an entire angel? Sam needs back up.

He scrambles for his cell, hoping that the one person he needs right now will actually pick up.

“Jody!” he cries in relief. “You need to come to the bunker.”

“I’m on my way.” And the call cuts.

Sam is immobilised for the better part of five hours as Jody makes her way to the bunker. He tried searching for Dean’s cell, but his fingers were shaking too much to hack into anything. He’s pretty sure he’s starving but he feels numb to the pain.

Most of all he feels guilty.

Dean had been the one taking the hit for the team the past few months. Sam hadn’t been much help at all. Then when he thinks things are finally back to normal, he loses Dean.

He half wonders what Dean’s wish is.

For something normal?

Maybe for someone to be brought back?

To not have to hunt?

Maybe it had taken away his memory. Maybe he doesn’t remember Sam?

Would Sam want to take that away from him if that really is in the cards?

He should just break the pearl right now. But he can’t … because his fingers are shaking … because he doesn’t know what it might do to Dean and Cass.

When Jody enters it’s with a loud clang that has Sam springing out of his seat as though a seat was switched.

“Jody?” he melts into the embrace.

She drops her duffle and turns to regard him seriously. “What’s wrong? Is the little guy okay?”

“The li-” he breaks off, feeling foolish. “Cass.”

He feels his voice tremble at the utterance at his name. “He’s not fun sized anymore.”

“That’s great!” She says with a smile. “So why did I drive all the way from my house in the middle of the night?”

It’s night? Sam hadn’t realised.

He swallows. “It’s Dean…” the he chokes, unable to get the rest of the sentence out.

Jody’s face creases in sympathy. “Poor Dean. I know how attached to the little guy he was. He must be takin’ this pretty hard.”

How much had happened in just one night?

“He was…” Sam admits. “Then… he disappeared.”

Jody nods. “Sounds like Dean. But he’ll come back.”

“No, Jody. He touched the pearl.” He gestures to the offending object that still sits on the floor. Sam is afraid to go anywhere near it. He might just have to quarantine the entire area. “Then he just vanished. Cass too.”

“Have you checked the bunker?”

“Yes. I checked everywhere. I just can’t find him.”

“Okay.” Jody says, all business now. Sam feels some of his worry dissipate. Jody will help him fix this. Dean will be back. “We’ll do one last sweep of this place then we’ll get to work on scouring the earth for a Winchester and an angel.”

“Do you think they’re together?” Sam wonders as he follows Jody to the hall. He knows this route. It’s the way to Dean’s room.

“Of course they are. I’d bet my tongue on it.”

“Jody.” Sam says uneasily. “I already checked his room.”

Sam doubts that he can manage seeing Dean’s room and Cass’ toys without having a full-on breakdown. He can still hear the echoes of their laughter floating down the halls.

Jody cracks open the door and the noise turns louder. It takes Sam a minute to realise that there are people in the room. Two, in fact.

Butt naked on the floor and prodding at each other’s navels like it holds all the answers of the universe in it.

One kid looks familiar. Black hair, blue eyes, and a silent glare that only fades when he’s looking at Dean. The second, is unfamiliar, expect for the picture in his pocket.

“Dean.”

The boy’s green eyes snap up to him and he grins and waves before going back to navel watch.

Sam wants to hurl. Children. Two children. Dean is one of them. He doesn’t know what to do with that information. All sense of logic and reasoning has abandoned him completely. Dean was supposed to be the one who handled kids on cases. Dean was the one who struggled to take care of Cass. If Dean had a hard time with one, how is Sam supposed to handle them both?

“Dean.” He hears Cass say.

It sounds so much like the real Cass that it snaps him out of his mental tirade.

“Cassie?” Dean questions, pausing his explorations of Cass’ navel.

Cass grins at him mischievously. “Tickle monster.”

His fingers head to Dean’s stomach and they both end up a shrieking, laughing heap on the ground.

Jody blinks at them in horror.

Well, at least he isn’t alone.

“You can’t leave me here with them.” Sam pleads.

“Well of course I can’t.” she retorts. “You would have scoured the earth before checking his room.”

Sam ducks his head and Jody pats his shoulder. “No offence.” She says. “But you can count on my help.”

“Thank you.” he says sincerely.

“Don’t mention it. But we need to go shopping ASAP.” She says. “When Dean was an adult, Cass could run around wherever he liked because Dean was watching him. Now we need to get some play pens. Some food. Some teething rings, cause Cass is about to chew off Dean’s finger.”

Sam whips his head around and finds that Jody is right. Cass, angel of the lord, is indeed nibbling on his brother’s pinkie finger.

Dean, to his credit, just sits there, looking on intently, but otherwise seeming unphased by the new development.

“Cass.” The way Dean says it sounds more like ‘Cats.’ “Can we play with that secret toy you were showing me?”

Cass nods then ambles over to the side of Dean’s bed. He slides the door open and casually takes out the bottle of lube before walking over to Dean and setting it down.

“Goo.”


	13. Kids

**Kids**

After a long and tiring day of babysitting, Sam finally deposits Dean and Cass into the two cribs that Jody bought for them. To say he’s just about ready to hit the hay is an understatement. But, the thing is, he can’t even do that. He has to research. He has to know everything possible about the pearl before breaking it. He has to find out if it really did break the first time and just reformed and he has to find out what Cass’ wish was – and Dean’s too.

That’s a mystery he can’t figure out. Why Dean would want to be a kid. Why either of them would want to be a vulnerable kid. Sure, it’s more fun like this and he knows that Dean didn’t get to have the childhood he deserved, but for it to be his greatest wish, that just doesn’t make sense to him.

At least he has Jody here, to help him pick up the slack.

It’s nice and quiet now that Dean and Cass are fast asleep.

Or so he thinks. He hears the baby monitor crackle.

“Cass… stop looking!” Dean complains in a sleepy voice.

“Dean…” Cass drags out the ‘n’ “I like watching over you.”

“Creepy.” Dean says.

Sam rolls his eyes and stands. He completely forgot that Cass doesn’t sleep. He’ll have to find some way to keep him amused while Dean gets some rest. He knows just how cranky Dean can be if he doesn’t sleep.

He yawns before opening the door.

He finds both children out of their cribs and playing some strange version of patty cake on the floor. Weren’t they just arguing.

“How did you two get out?” he wonders. The bars are way too high for them to have climbed over.

“Cass did it.” Dean says immediately, grinning widely.

Cass puffs his chest out proudly.

“How?” Sam asks.

“I gripped him toight and raised him from playpen.”

“You…” Nope. Sam is not doing this.

“Cass.” He says gently. “Dean needs to sleep. I know you might be bored but I can take you outside if you like and you can play while I work.”

“No!” he says immediately, then in a lower voice. “Can’t leave Dean.”

“Oh.” Sam says, befuddled. “So, what are you going to do all night long?”

“I’ll watch Dean sleep.” He chirps.

Dean blows a raspberry their way. “No way.”

Cass pouts at him. “It’s verrry fun.” He says. “And I keep the baddies away.”

Dean seems to consider this for a moment. “Okay. But no funny business, capiche?’”

“I capiche.” Cass says.

Sam puts them in their respective cribs and says. “No more tight grips and raising from the playpen, alright?” Cass nods at him, chastised.

“And Dean…” Dean’s head perks up. “Try to actually go to sleep this time.”

Dean, the sassy toddler, rolls his eyes at Sam and face plants into the pillow.

“Well, good night guys.”

…

Sam finds himself distracted the next day, too busy keeping an eye on Dean and Cass to accomplish anything major.

Jody had gone out to the store, complaining that they had nothing suitable for three year olds to eat. Dean had dashed the vegetable mush that they got him and Cass straight up refused to eat anything except Dean’s finger.

Sam is once again worried about Dean. He hasn’t had any more seizures to date, but he’s seen just how suddenly they could happen. And Cass, though a toddler, is still very eloquent and Sam is concerned that he might say something to trigger Dean. He doesn’t want to tell Cass not to… because that’s just unfair to a child. And he doesn’t think he can handle Cass’ look of disappointment.

Him and Dean have been inseparable, mostly due to Cass himself. Pouting and whining at Dean when he tries to leave to go do something by himself or to torment Sam. Dean, for the most part hasn’t complained much. At first he’d feigned anger but Sam had seen that anger slowly dissolve into fondness.

The terrible two, Sam likes to call them. Inseparable and deadly. Just like the real Dean and Cass actually. Hmm. Some things don’t change.

“Dean!” Cass’ shrill voice has Sam dashing to the kitchen where Dean is sitting on the floor beside a broken cup.

Blood is everywhere and Sam feels his heart stop.

No.

No.

Jody isn’t back yet and Dean looks very near tears. Of the two of them, Cass cries from time to time, but he hasn’t seen Dean so much as shed a tear.

“Don’t worry Dean.” He assures.

“Sam.” Cass says, on the verge of tears himself. “I sorry.”

Sam almost explodes. His vision turns black.

He almost tells Cass that he should have let Dean play with the glasses. But that wouldn’t be fair would it? Cass is a child himself. He can’t be held responsible for Dean’s mistakes.

“It’s not your fault.”

As Sam tries to get to the main cause of the bleeding, he finds that it’s just a singular gash, on one of the veins near Dean’s ankle. Once he’s sure that no glass is still inside the area, he presses his thumb firmly over the spot.

“Cass, you know where the bandages are right?”

He nods before scurrying off to retrieve them.

Five minutes later, Sam has Dean’s foot bandaged and on a height.

Cass sits at his side, pressing two fingers to his forehead every so often then pulling back when nothing happens.

“It’s just a cut.” He assures, patting Cass on the head. “Dean will be fine. Won’t you Dean.”

“Yup.” He says in a shaky voice. “I’m okay Cass.”

Cass seems to doubt that, but he remains silent.

“And Dean won’t do something so stupid again. Won’t you Dean.”

“No stupid things.”

“Good.” Sam says.

“Do you forgive me Dean?” Cass asks in a small voice.

Dean glances up at him, eyes shining with more intuition than a four year old should have. “Of course I forgive you.” Dean says. “For having a dummy as a friend.”


	14. Broken Pearl Necklace

Sam is stumped.

First of all, Jody had made him face time with Claire and Alex. Which, in itself, was a nice break. But what Claire had said. That made him think.

_“Cass is just as in love Dean as he usually is – only, this time it’s puppy love.” She laughs, “Take pics Sam.”_

So many people had insinuated, over the years, that Cass was in love with Dean. Sam hadn’t taken any notice because both Cass and Dean had seemed unbothered, besides residual annoyance. But… Cass couldn’t be in love with Dean right?

Right?

Sam closes his eyes and thinks.

Cass point blank said that he likes Dean better because of their ‘profound bond.’ The way Cass had repeatedly gone above and beyond – betraying and giving up for the benefit of the Winchesters. He’d given up his entire army for Dean. Then, had gone on to free him from the Mark of Cain without regard for the consequences Even mom had pulled him aside one evening after one too many stares and asked him point blank if he thought anything was going on between them. Sam had told her no, of course.

No way.

Never in a bajillion years.

They’re just friends.

Then there had been the incident with Billie on the bridge. Cass had saved them all. But Sam had known that Dean would have been the one to offer himself up at the last second.

And Cass probably knew that too.

But it still doesn’t make sense.

That Cass’ wish would turn him into a child rather than just making Dean fall in love with him or taking him to some strange universe where they were happily married or something?

Baby Cass had literally been hanging off of Dean. He had him completely wrapped around his little finger and he knew it.

Sam glances over to where Dean and Cass are playing. Dean insisted that they race with some pull-back cars that Jody got from the store. He sees the way Cass watches intently as Dean explains some technique that he thinks will make the car go faster.

As kids they don’t fight either. They don’t give each other the silent treatment or hold onto grudges. If Cass trips Dean, Dean laughs it off and maybe shoves him a little. If Dean gets food on one of Cass’ favourite jerseys then he just glares at Dean and marches over to Sam, expecting him to get the stain out.

They share their toys without being told and they –

Have vanished.

Sam stands immediately, going through all the usual locations. He checks Dean’s room first, not wanting to be caught out like last time.

He remembers another occasion, where he found them both dancing to Warrant’s ‘Cherry Pie’ in Dean’s room. Like full on rock and roll dancing.

Another part of Sam is scared out of his wits that something happened to one of them. He doubts it though. He trusts that Cass and Dean would come find him immediately. But still, they have the mentality of children now, and that, is unpredictable.

Sam almost tears apart the bunker before he finds Dean wandering around one of the hallways, peeking into every bedroom he passes by.

“Dean!” he shouts in relief, darting forward to embrace his brother.

Dean pushes him off and continues surveying the area.

“Not now Sammy.” He says seriously.

“You lost something?” He asks, trying to brush off the rejection. Usually, miniature Dean enjoys his hugs and kisses. In fact, he’s come to insist on them before bed time. Cass, on the other hand had accepted his bedtime hug graciously before cringing at the kiss. Sam had gotten a kick out of imagining himself kissing the normal Cass.

Cass’d probably smite him where he stands.

“I lost Cass.” Dean says with a pout.

“You lost Cass?” Sam’s voice is shrill.

Dean rolls his eyes as though Sam is over-reacting. “Hide and seek.” He says simply and continues on his path.

“You realise that hide and seek isn’t the best game to play in a bunker filled with all sorts of supernatural stuff.”

“Cass is smart.” Dean assures, seeming confident of that fact.

Sure, _adult_ Cass is smart enough not to get killed by a stray potion. But the kid version? Sam honestly doesn’t share Dean’s optimism.

“How about I help you find him?” Sam does his best to keep his voice light.

“Sure.” Dean says easily. “Just scream when you find him.”

He laughs. “Sure.”

Dean narrows his eyes. “You better make sure I hear you.”

“Or what?” Sam scoffs, “You throw your mashed food at me.”

“I eat real food.” Dean says proudly.

He fights the urge to tease him further. ‘Yeah Dean, one half of a mini-burger is real food.’

“Then we’re having kale for dinner.” He says brightly, grinning when Dean looks stricken, “I mean, you _can_ eat real food right?”

“Course.” Dean says half-heartedly.

It takes a few minutes for Dean to speak again but when he does, it has Sam rolling. “Sam, I don’t like ka-lee. Don’t make me.”

“Some things never change, huh?” he asks, feeling oddly nostalgic.

…

About thirty minutes later Dean stomps his foot in frustration.

“I give up!”

Sam would laugh, except he’s worried out of his mind. “Dean… seriously… where do you think he is.”

“I looked _everywhere!_ ” Dean complains. “He’s good at this game.”

“Cass?” Sam calls loudly. “You won! You can come out now!”

Nothing.

As Dean pouts Sam decides to go look for Jody. He finds her in the laundry room, doing what Sam should have been.

He sighs, “Jody, you don’t have to do this.”

“I know. But I’m here to help and you boys were drowning in dirty laundry.”

“You seen Cass?”

Jody narrows her eyes. “Why?”

“I’m worried. Dean was looking for him for over half an hour.”

“Don’t worry.” Jody assures. “I know exactly where the little rascal is.”

She moves behind him to rummage around in the pile of dirty laundry and tosses aside a few pieces. Cass grins up at him cheekily from his hiding spot and laughs.

Sam chuckles, shaking his head, “Of course you pick the best hiding spot ever.”

Cass does a tiny bow and reaches up with both his hands. Sam hefts him up using the crook of his elbow to support some of the weight.

He takes a breath… and coughs. “Woah! Someone needs a bath.”

“Is it Dean?” Cass asks, cocking his head at Sam.

“No.” Sam informs him, shifting his weight a little. “You do Cass. You smell like dirty laundry.”

“Maybe I can ask Jody to throw you in with the blues.” He mutters to himself.


	15. The Shadow (Game)

Somehow, even though he tried to keep the entire event under wraps, Dean finds himself a front row seat to view Cass’ bubble bath.

Given, that front row seat is on the edge of the tub, with his toes in the water and wetting most of his clothes.

The poor child has an obsession with the bubbles, pouring almost the entire container of soap into the water with Cass, who had only seemed amused and delighted with the attention, and began swishing his hands to make more bubbles.

When Sam had tried to be the reasonable adult, Dean repaid him with a pile of bubbles on his hair. His freshly washed hair.

If Dean were Daen-sized, Sam would strangle him.

That had made Cass laugh like crazy.

The only positive he can tell is that Cass no longer smells like dirty laundry.

Dean’s hand shoots out suddenly, flinging a mixture of water and bubbles into Cass’ face. The child splutters and coughs before quickly retaliating by dragging Dean down into the tub with him. Of course, the splash leaves Sam soaking in water from the waist up.

He sighs.

“I liked you better as adults.” He grumbles.

“I liked you better as adults.” Dean copies.

Sam scowls but remains quiet, knowing fully well that Dean would only use anything that he says against him. When Dean was older he had fallen for all of Dean’s tricks, but now that things are reversed, he knows how to outwait the little monster.

Dean pouts at him after a few minutes of him quietly soaping them up.

“Dean.” Cass says.

“Dean.” Dean repeats, the huge grin once more on his face.

Sam can see the moment Cass’ mistake dawns on him.

He covers his hand with his mouth to prevent any more words.

Sam has to stave off his grin.

…

Cass runs up to Sam, his eyes fraught with urgency.

“What’s wrong?” Sam asks, immediately lowering himself to eyelevel.

“He won’t stop copying me.” Cass’ lip warbles, like he’s almost near tears.

“He won’t stop copying me.” Dean parrots, making a mock sad face.

Cass turns to Sam once more in distress.

“Dean. Can’t you see you’re making him sad.”

Dean blinks in confusion, “No. We’re having fun. Right Cass?” Dean says, nudging Cass on the shoulder.

“No Dean. This is _not_ fun.” Cass glares at him. “I don’t want to play the shadow game.”

“See Dean,” Sam says, laying a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Cass doesn’t like the shadow…”

Cass.

The shadow game.

_The Shadow._

A powerful cosmic entity.

The Pearl, can make any wish a reality … unless it interferes with cosmic entities such as Archangels, Amara… among others.

Could that be why things were going so wrong? Because Cass had wished for something that involves the being in the Empty?

It’s nonsensical to even consider. Because how would the wish fit into that scenario?

Sam still feels like he’s missing something. One final piece to draw the puzzle together.

Maybe Sam should touch the pearl. He’s pretty sure that there’s nothing he wants more than to get Dean and Cass back to normal. This parent thing is not only creepy – seeing as his ‘kids’ were once his brother and an angel – but draining too.

He was so caught up in this whole ‘Cass might be in love with Dean’ extravaganza, that he’d completely neglected the research.

Sam finds himself at the threshold of Dean’s room once more. He replaced the pearl in it’s original hiding spot, knowing that Dean and Cass would only ever be alone in this room with an adult.

It’s unusually hot and Sam tugs at his collar almost immediately, his body wanting to get away from the heat.

Sam finds the source of the heat soon enough. It’s wrapped in a tan trench-coat, so hot that he’s began to sear the area around it. It’s too hot for his fingers to even get close enough to touch.

There’s a sudden crackle and pop and the bunker is once more plunged into darkness.

Sam wants to know how… because he hadn’t even touched the pearl.

He finds Dean immediately, finding him exactly where he had left them. Sam doesn’t even get a second to enjoy his relief as his eyes dart around, looking for Cass.

“What’s going on?” Jody’s voice comes from behind him.

“I can’t find Cass.” Says, lowering his voice so that he doesn’t scare Dean. One distraught person is enough. “Maybe he’s in the laundry again.”

“Right. I’m going to check.”

“Are you people blind?” Dean demands. “Cass is right here.”

And maybe Sam _is_ blind, because all he sees is nothing but empty.


	16. Dean’s Imaginary Friend

Sam forces a smile as he faces Dean.

“Listen buddy, Cass is going to be just fine.”

Dean slaps Sam’s hand away. “Of course he’s fine. He’s right there. Why can’t you see him.”

With an overly cherry voice, he waves at ‘Cass’ saying. “Hello Castiel.”

Dean kicks his shin. “Don’t mock me he’s real.” He says in a rush. “I’m the only one who can see him.”

“Well, why don’t you tell us something that only Cass would know.” Jody says, smiling encouragingly at Dean.

Dean leans closer to the Empty space. “He says that he’s nisibible.”

Sam frowns.

Dean nods at ‘Cass.’ “In – vis – i – ble.” Dean says slowly. “My imaginary friend!”

“Why don’t we have Cass spell a grown up word. That way we’re sure it’s really him.”

“That really isn’t necessary.” Dean mumbles then glances up at Cass. “He says he’ll do it.”

“Okay…” Sam says. “Spell… rougarou.”

Dean looks to his side. He shakes his head and throws his hands up. “You’re going too fast Cass.”

Collecting himself, Dean begins spelling. “R. O. U. G. A. R. O. U.”

Correct.

Sam can’t believe it. This has to be Cass. Four year olds don’t just spell words like rougarou.

“Nice idea Jody.” He says.

“I get kids.” Is her reply.

“Dean, I need to talk to Cass urgently.”

“About grown up stuff?” Dean asks, pouting.

“Well, kind of.” Sam says.

“I want to talk about grown up stuff too.” Dean begs.

A lightbulb goes off inside Sam’s head. “Okay. You can talk too. In fact, you will have the most important role of all.”

“I will?”

“Oh yeah,” Sam assures. “Since Cass can’t talk, you get to talk for him.”

Sam bites his lip, wondering how that would go over. Dean is very particular as a child. One wrong word and this could all blow up in his face. Then they could both be stuck like this forever.

“Cass says that he’s not sure why you can’t see him.”

Like Sam is any less confused.

“Okay.” He says, keeping himself calm for Dean’s sake. “Let’s go through this thing from start to finish. If I get something wrong, tell Cass to tell me.”

Dean glances up. “He’ll tell you.”

Well, Sam’s definitely going to have to avoid some of the details so that Dean doesn’t panic. “So after the F-I-G-H-T at the bunker with you and Dean, you left and he went out to search for you. He found you in a bush after you disappeared from right in front of me. We deduced that it was because of the pearl. We looked for the pearl but he kept it hidden in his room – and you also knew where it was but didn’t want to use it. Dean had seizure and inexplicable accidents. We had a scare where we thought the pearl was broken. But it just turned out to be my pen – maybe. We’re still sketchy on that. You and Dean were K-I-D-S and were little terrors to me then no one touched the pearl – I know that because I found it overheating in Dean’s room – and now Cass, you’re somehow invisible?” Sam exhales.

“Cass says that’s all true.”

“And…” Sam says loudly. “Is it also true that my research told me that wishes could not affect cosmic entities?”

“Yes.” Dean says.

“And is it also true that you are in L-O-V-E with you know who?”

Silence.

Dean glances up speculatively. “Cass? I can’t spell so I don’t know what’s going on. Are you okay?”

Whatever Cass does seems to placate Dean, who then turns to Sam with a tiny frown. “ I don’t think he likes that question.”

Sam sighs. “It’s not for him to like.” Sam says gently.

“He wants to know what that has to do with anything.”

“Cass…” Sam doesn’t know how to approach his friend with this without being able to see him. On a normal day, asking Cass about this would be… daunting. “I’m thinking that the pearl is malfunctioning. That your wish had something to do with a cosmic entity. We need to fix this quickly before one of you gets hurt.”

“Cass says yes he is.”

Drawing a quick breath, Sam tries to even out his expression. The word coming out of Dean’s mouth are innocent but Sam knows that he has no idea what they’re talking about. He just hopes that when they get back to normal, that Dean doesn’t remember.

“Thanks for telling me.” Sam winces as the words come out of his mouth. He just doesn’t want to make Cass feel bad. “And your wish?”

Dean scowls at him then. “What do you want from him Sam!?” Dean demands, moving to stand in front of what he assumes is Cass. “Can’t you see he needs a break.”

“A break.” Sam nods. “Good idea. Time out guys.”

…

Sam glances across the room to where Dean is looking up at Cass. He’s as attentive as he’s ever been. Making funny faces to cheer Cass up. Sam hopes that he’s smiling. He probably is. Dean always managed to wring a smile from him.

He fingers the page of lore about the pearl. This is the most complete articulation about the pearl. It’s the one with the part about cosmic entities and breaking the pearl to break the wish.

If he could just figure out what Cass wished for… what Dean might have wished when he touched the pearl. He still doesn’t know if that had counted as Dean making a wish. It’s all so obscure. There’s no words. No evidence to back it up or to assure him that he’s making the right decision.

It would probably be better if he just smashed it now, rather than putting Cass through a song and dance that would only just hurt him and bring up emotions Sam is sure he’d rather not think about right now.

But it’s too big a risk.

To Dean and to Cass.

Sam sighs, shaking his head at the lore book. “Damn you.”

Dean’s smile wilts when he sees Sam stand.

“Let’s get this over with.” He tells them.


	17. A Smashing Success

For the umpteenth time, Sam thinks that this whole process would be that much easier if he could actually see Cass.

“So Cass?” he says. “What was your wish?”

“He says he still doesn’t know for sure.” Dean transmits. “That… his emotions were all over. Like a tornado.”

Sam nods. “I understand. Just, maybe try to think about how you felt in that moment. What you might have wanted most.”

“He didn’t want to leave.” Dean says sadly, before turning back to Cass. “Cass, I never want you to leave.”

Whatever Cass says makes Dean smile.

“I don’t think that’s it.” Sam says. “You vanished almost immediately.”

And he had landed right at Dean’s feet.

“Could your wish have anything to do with … a specific person.”

“It’s possible.” Dean relays.

“Do you think you wished you two would be closer?”

Dean shakes his head ‘no.’

Sam sighs. “Okay. Let’s go through this again.”

The look Dean gives him is one of a man who has had enough. “Just a little longer, Dean.” He assures.

With a disbelieving look in his eyes, Dean shrugs his shoulders.

“So we have the pearl.” Sam says, feeling as though he’s teaching an empty classroom. “We have you and Dean. You touched the pearl and strange things happened. I want to smash the pearl because I think it’s somehow malfunctioning. The only way it _can_ malfunction is if your wish directly affects a cosmic entity.”

A long silence ensues. Strangely enough, Dean seems focused on Cass.

“What’s he saying?” The anticipation is driving Sam wild.

Dean holds up a hand to silence him before looking up at Cass again.

“He says you need to smash it.” Dean finally says.

Sam’s eyes bulge out. “It took him so long to tell you that?”

“Well…” Dean says. “He did say other things too. But those weren’t for you.”

As much as Sam wants to know what Cass told Dean, he doesn’t want to prolong this experience.

“Dude. Are you absolutely sure?”

“He says yes. Cass will explain everything once we’re big and visible.”

That easy, huh?

The simplicity of the plan leaves him with a lot of doubts. But if Cass is convinced that this is the right thing to do, what else can Sam so but comply. Cass is incorporeal in any case, he has to depend on Sam to do this.

Little Dean.

Now, there’s something he’ll miss. His big brother hanging around him, idolising _Sam_ for a change. It’s been a very fulfilling experience. Dean hid nothing from him. He allowed Sam to take care of him. Sure, he had his bouts of anger, in the toddler way. Dean didn’t drink whiskey or lock himself away in his room.

Him and Cass had no fights. Well, no serious fights.

Everything was forgiven with a slice of pie.

Sam wants to hold onto that, even though it made things harder with him. There was less free time, the stress was constant. The worry that something would happen.

He just _knows_ that whatever Cass will say when he returns to his normal self, will rock their world.

Sam supposes he must know why the pearl is malfunctioning. That’s one mystery that he _needs_ an answer to.

On unsteady legs he retrieves the pearl from its hiding spot; it’s still warm.

When he gets back to Dean and Cass, he finds the doubt filtering in once more.

What if it doesn’t work?

His eyes drift over to Dean. He looks so content like this. Sitting and talking to Cass about onions of all things.

What if… when Dean comes back…

Oh God.

What if Dean remembers this conversation? He’d been pretty careful not to drop any hints that would scare Dean. But if starts to remember things like Cass did, then they’re pretty much screwed.

Dean’s adult mind would immediately recognise the ‘you know who’s as ‘Dean.’

Then what would Cass do?

“Cass wants to know if you’re going to do it.” Dean asks.

Sam glances away. “I’m trying.” He murmurs. “This isn’t a decision to be taken lightly. I don’t want to cause any more damage. I just need a few seconds to psyche myself up.”

Lifting his arms up in the universal sign for ‘pick me up’, Dean smiles innocently at him.

“You like the world from my height don’t you?” he teases.

“It’s nice.” He says. “Floaty. I don’t like heights but I know you won’t drop me.”

“Of course I’ll never drop you.” Sam whispers, crouching to pick him up.

“Don’t do it if you don’t think it’s right.” Dean says when he’s eyelevel with Sam.

He blinks at that.

“Cass wants me to do it.”

“I know.” Dean says, glancing to his side, where Sam assumes Cass is standing. “But you’re the one doing it. Not Cass. Sorry Cass.”

“That’s good advice, Dean.”

Dean puffs his chest out. “I know things.”

Sam flicks his nose. “I know, Dean. You’ve always been very smart.”

Something his brother doesn’t hear often enough. He’s sick and tired of everything telling Dean he isn’t intelligent. His brother is one of the smartest people he knows. He might be impulsive sometimes, but it’s always for the right reasons. To save someone. And what he’s most tired of, it Dean believing them.

Maybe if he can convince this little Dean that he’s just as shrewd as Sam, it will somehow influence Dean when he’s back to normal.

“You know that right.” Sam prods. “I think you’re a very clever boy. You make things that no one else could think of. You’re very good with your hands. You’re a crack shot too, or you will be. Your plans… they save the day. Remember that for me.”

Dean’s eyes shine with pride as he nods. “I will.”

“Good.” Sam sets him down on his feet. “Here we go.”

And just in the nick of time, Sam thinks. He feels the pearl starting to heat up in the cloth. He lays it on the table, careful not to let his fingers touch it.

His hands wrap sound the handle of the hammer. His heart is in his stomach, his pulse ringing in his ears. Sam can hardly stand to look

Slam!

Sam flinches as it splatters into a million different places. It’s well and truly shattered now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Next chapter is the BIG reveal!


	18. Cass’ Greatest Wish And It’s Conflict With Shady Cosmic Entities

“Well that was a smashing success!” It’s Dean’s voice.

Sam turns so fast he almost gets whip lash.

“Dean.” He lurches forward, yanking his brother into a hug. “You’re back.”

Dean shudders in his grip. “I feel like a giant.”

Sam winces. “About that…”

He spies a figure just over Dean’s shoulder. “Cass!” he shouts, releasing Dean to pull Cass into a hug.

The angel remains slack in his grip.

Sam can only guess where his eyes are focused… or on who.

With a smile, he releases Cass. The angel stares at Dean with a potent mixture of heartbreak and hope. Dean’s attention remains on Cass until he sees Sam looking, then, he swiftly looks away, taking stock of the toys scattered aross the floor.

“What the hell?” he demands. “Cass was a greedy kid, huh?”

“Dean.” Sam says warningly. “Do you… remember anything?”

Dean’s eyes go wide then, though, not with realisation. Sam recognises it as something resembling rage.

“You went through my stuff.” He hisses. “And – and then I went to confront you and I saw the pearl and – you ruined _everything_ Sam.”

He frowns but remains silent; he doesn’t want to get into this argument with Dean right now.

“Okay. We can deal with that later.” Then he turns to Cass who seems frozen in place. “Cass?”

The angel jumps, glancing between the brothers uneasily.

Sam swallows. Lord knows what’s about to come. “You asked me to break the pearl.” He reminds. “Because… well, honestly I don’t know why and you were invisible at the time, communicating with me solely through a miniature Dean.”

“Am I missin’ something here?” Dean demands.

“Yes.” Sam says, pointing to him, just to let him know that he’s being heard. There are more pressing issues anyway; like getting to Cass before he decides they don’t need to know anymore. “But Cass-”

“Don’t ‘but Cass.’” Dean snips wagging a finger, “You, tell me what the hell’s been goin’ on.”

“Fine. Cliff notes.” He huffs. “My dumbass brother touched the pearl, turned into a child along with Cass, played with lube in your room. The pearl started heating up again. Cass turned invisible and you were convinced that he was your imaginary friend and voila! I smashed the pearl and here we all are, waiting for Cass to explain what his wish was.”

Cass looks away once more and Dean huffs. “Good luck, Sam. You know he’s mister tight-lipped.”

The glare Cass sends Dean’s way is nothing short of scalding, though Dean doesn’t seem to notice as he glares back.

“My wish.” Cass says. “There’s something that I have to explain before that.”

“What is it now?” Dean demands. “You snuck into my room and stole the pictures from under my pillow?”

“I – Dean – you _know_ that the Colt was a necessary evil. I hated doing that to you but –”

Dean throws his hands up. “But you just had to do it, huh?” he raises an eyebrow. “Because Cass’ way is the right way.”

“I never said that.” Cass simpers. “You’re angry and you’re blowing this way out of proportion just like you did earlier when –”

“When you left in two seconds flat?” Dean buts in, marching forward to glare at Cass from a better vantage point. “When things were hard and I got mad, you just… left.”

“You didn’t want me here Dean.” He says, his voice hard. “You made that perfectly clear long before I was forced to leave. I left but you never once tried to stop me.”

Dean sighs. “Would you have listened?”

“Maybe.” Cass says. “It was you Dean, I would have listened to anything.”

Watching this interaction, it’s abundantly clear that Cass is in love with Dean. It almost hurts him physically. He’s pretty sure that if his brother knew, he’d back down in a second. But Dean doesn’t know. And Sam isn’t going to be the one to tell him.

“I think both of you are wrong.” Sam says suddenly, causing Dean to look at him weirdly. “We’re all family here. When we get mad at each other, we don’t just … run off. And Dean, we try to forgive. We’ve all made mistakes. We should all be supportive. Be here. When one of us is mad, Cass, that doesn’t mean that you’re not welcome. When we’re mad, we might want a little space to cool off, but we never want you to leave. Right, Dean?”

“I didn’t want you to leave.” Dean replies, almost petulantly.

Cass’ head lifts at that, but he remains silent.

“I’m just saying. Let’s try to be better from now on.”

Cass nods and Dean follows suit.

“There’s something I have to say then.” Cass says. “And you are going to be mad.”

Sam nods. “I figured. That’s why I gave my little speech back there.”

“I made a deal with the Shadow. When I’m happy it will drag me away to the Empty”

A number of things just _click_ in Sam’s brain. The deal… Cass’ wish having something to do with a cosmic entity. That must have been why… Dean…

Oh.

His brother looks on the verge of an explosion. Cass sees it too.

“You wished to be happy.” Dean whispers, his voice deceptively calm. “Damn it Cass.”

“I must have. It’s the only option… right Sam?”

“I – yeah.” He says in shock. Dean hadn’t rampaged at the mention of a deal – but there’s still time, he’s taken to staring down at his feet blankly. Even Sam was tempted to rage because how _stupid_ is this?

“So, when you made this wish… to be happy. The pearl tried it’s best to do that by turning you into a kid and when it realised that making you happy would kill you… it course corrected?”

Realisation blows Sam’s eyes wide.

That’s why Dean kept having seizures. He makes Cass happy, but killing him wouldn’t make Cass happy so it stopped before death. It’s the strangest paradox Sam has ever heard of.

“Then it began over-heating.” Cass nods. “And in the interim it tried different variations to try to fulfil your wish. It realised it couldn’t make you happy, so it just sort of tried to kill itself to still somehow save you.”

Dean’s head snaps up then. “Well, your secrets have once again cost us time and almost my life. Good job with that by the way.”

“Dean, he didn’t have any control over his wish.” Sam reminds in a gentle voice, not wanting Dean to think that they’re ganging up on him.

“But he had control over his mouth, right? He’s had over a year to tell us about this… but he hasn’t. Nothing changes. I hope you’re _happy_ Cass.”


	19. Chapter 19

## Where Do We Go From Here?

Almost as soon as the words leave Dean’s mouth, he scuffs his shoe against the floor and sighs. “I didn’t mean that.”

Sam sighs and glances over to Cass. Let’s just say, if it were him, he’d be pretty pissed right about now. Cass though just inclines his head. “I know.”

“Just…” Dean trails off, his eyes darting to Sam for help.

He takes pity on his brother. It must be hard to come back from being a child. Dean must feel too big for his body and probably has a hard time remembering actual words after talking ‘cutesy’ for weeks. Dean already isn’t much of a talker on a good day.

“I think what Dean’s getting at, is… why didn’t you trust us?” Sam glances to Dean for confirmation and Dean nods his approval. “We – we would have dropped everything to help you get out of this, Cass.”

“That’s one of the reasons why I never told you.”

Thunder clouds once more hover over Dean’s head. The hairs on Sam’s arm raise in anticipation of the incoming lightning strike. Dean’s mouth parts, his frown deepens… Sam steels himself…

“Wait.” Dean’s voice isn’t hard and cold, it’s breathy and panicked. “I can’t talk about this right now. I’m too angry.”

He turns to Sam, “The pearl is gone?”

Sam nods.

“Good,” Dean says crisply. “Night, Sammy.” The hug that Dean pulls him in for is fierce; a testament to how shaken up he is.

“Goodnight, Dean.” Sam says as they part.

Dean salutes and turns to leave, pausing.

Cass isn’t in the pathway… more like… off to the side.

He can sense the anger in Dean, the indecision. It would be easy for him to just walk past him without a confrontation and Sam wishes he does.

One step.

Two steps.

Dean lifts his leg for the third, then pivots at the last second.

The position they take is one that Sam’s grown accustomed to. Eyes locked, bodies too close. Lost in their own world.

“Don’t leave,” Dean says gruffly.

Cass stiffens at the accusation. “Sam still wants me here.”

Ducking his head does little to hide the heat creeping up his neck. “Yeah, well… Sam’s not the only one.”

Cass’ eyes brighten at that.

Opening his arms, Dean takes a step forward; the intention is clear. Cass steps into the hug instantly, propping his chin on Dean’s shoulder, even as Dean’s hands rub soothing circles across his back.

Their problems aren’t fixed, but this is certainly one big step in the right direction.

They part slowly, locking eyes one last time before Dean turns away and strolls down the corridor, his shoulders not looking as tense as they were before. Cass’ eyes follow him until he rounds the bend, then, that blue gaze is directed solely on Sam.

“Are you… also mad?” He chances.

Sam clenches his jaw. “Yeah. Pretty mad. But do you want to talk?”

He knows the answer before it leaves Cass’ mouth. “I do, Sam.”

The shards of the pearl offer a nice little sideshow as they pass and Sam makes a note to sweep it all up later. That thing caused him enough problems for ten lifetimes, he’s going to take pleasure in dumping it.

The chair screeches against the floor as he pulls it out and clangs when he sets the back legs down. Cass, in contrast, manages to move in complete silence. Sam remembers the countless times when Dean had made a jab about putting a bell on the angel. He keeps that memory to himself now, he doesn’t think Cass will appreciate jokes at the moment.

“Coffee?” Sam offers, wanting to break the silence between them.

“You can’t tell Dean,” Cass says in a rush. “Also, coffee would be nice.”

Sam had expected this; both the coffee and the not telling Dean.

Maybe Cass is hoping that he doesn’t remember their conversations. Sam’s honestly hoping for that too. Dean may be able to move past a secret like this… but finding out that Cass is in love with him and has been for some time?

It blew Sam’s mind, and he can only imagine that the news would have a similar effect on Dean.

…

Sam sets his empty coffee cup down. Across from him, Cass also rests his cup down, looking up at Sam with trepidation.

“I understand why you don’t want me to tell Dean.” He begins. “It’s not my story to tell in any case. You’ve got to understand though, that there’s a big chance that Dean will remember. ”

Cass remains quiet, his shoulders slouching as if merely thinking about Dean finding out is enough to crush his mood for the entire night.

“Why haven’t you said anything?” Sam can’t help but pry. “It’s obvious that your feelings are real and that they’ve been around for some time.”

“You know your brother.” Cass mutters, resigned, “He’s not open to change. Something like this would break him.”

There’s no denying that.

“Maybe it won’t.” he tries optimistically.

“I told him once.”

Sam feels his eyes bulge out at that. He wants to tell him that it’s impossible that Dean would treat him like he had after knowing about his feelings. But Cass seems deeply disturbed by this entire conversation, so he limits himself to just one more question. “When?”

“You should know.” Cass’ voice is severe. “You were there.”

Sam wracks his mind. A love confession would have stood out to him. Maybe it had been something subconscious. An action that showed love… but there were so many of those…

“In the barn.” Cass supplies, filling in the gap.

Those three words rock his world. The barn had been emotional. He was pretty sure that they were going to lose Cass for good at that time. He remembered being worried for both Dean and Cass; Dean because he clearly hadn’t been in touch with reality, not believing that Cass would actually die. And for Cass because he seemed desperate to get his last words out despite Dean.

_“I love you. I love all of you.”_

Sam thought it was general. Now that he thinks about it, why would Cass say the second one if the first one really was general. Sam had just brushed it off as a clarification, but clearly, Cass had intended it to be a separate ‘I love you,’ one meant only for Dean.

“Dean doesn’t know.” Sam divulges, feeling his skin crawl. Cass had gone over a year thinking that Dean knew but didn’t care.

“No.” Cass agrees, “But I saw his face when after the first ‘I love you.’ It horrified him, so I thought…”

“You thought the second one would smooth things over.” Sam breathes in realization. “Make him think that it was for all of us.”

“So you can’t tell him, Sam. It would ruin us more than I already have.”

“Okay,” Sam promises. “I won’t tell Dean. But… where do we go from here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to  
> shipperofdarkness who beta read this chapter for me! 
> 
> Please don't hesitate to let me know about something that you want added in (be it a trope or an idea) I love hearing from you guys <3


	20. Dr Samuel Phil – Specializing in Conflicts Involving Your Brother and the Angel in the Dirty Trench-Coat Who’s In Love With Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to shipperofdarkness for beta reading this chapter!

Turns out that Sam would receive his answer in the coming days.

Where do we go from here?

Why, nowhere, of course.

Except for Jody, who rang to tell him about an emergency with the girls. She was happy to hear about Dean and Cass though, and she insisted that she could handle whatever it was alone.

Sam doesn’t know what he would have done without her. 

What had possessed him to think that Dean wouldn’t stay angry and that Cass wouldn’t sulk around, probably just waiting for Dean to cheer up.

Actually, scratch that. Cass doesn’t just wander around, waiting for Dean to talk to him again. Rather, he hovers. Making sure that he places himself in Dean’s path more often than not.

Dean is heading to the kitchen? Cass is there, waiting with an open bottle of beer and a bag of jerky.

Dean runs out of toilet paper? Cass is conveniently outside with a fresh roll.

It’s eerie.

But it’s even more suspicious.

When Dean is mad, he sticks to his room. Holing up in there with as many supplies as he can. He doesn’t want to see anyone. He doesn’t want to leave. He usually drowns out the minuscule noise in the bunker with loud music or a Dr. Sexy marathon. What he doesn’t do is walk around every ten minutes.

It’s almost as though… he’s been _allowing_ Cass to apologize.

Granted, it’s not the kind of apology they both need, but it’s better than nothing. It still doesn’t stop Sam from wishing they’d just suck it up and talk to each other. 

This is how it goes every time. They’ve let themselves become so wrapped up in ‘apologizing’ without words, that they don’t know how to do it any other way. Actions are important, sometimes more than words. But he knows Dean, he knows that his brother needs something tangible to truly forgive.

Especially a wound so deep. 

Cass may as well have given him a thousand cuts and rubbed salt in the individual sores.

Dean had trusted him… Sam had trusted him to let them know if anything went wrong. Cass betrayed that trust. He half wonders if Cass even understands that what he did was monumentally wrong. 

Does Cass even know exactly _why_ they’re mad at him?

The secret is part of it – a small part. Sam can’t speak for Dean, but he knows that Dean’s worried about what might have happened if Cass had somehow felt happy. He’d just be gone. Without warning. Never to be seen again.

Sam watches on in distaste as Dean accepts the mammoth slice of cheese that Cass cuts for him.

“Just give him the entire block, would you?” Sam mutters. But of course, they manage to hear him over the sound of their strange forgiveness ritual.

“Sam,” Dean says in protest.

Cass just puts the block down sheepishly.

“Now you’ve ruined my sandwich,” Dean complains.

“Oh, your cheese and bread sandwich?” Sam asks rhetorically. “Were you going to get a slice of bread to put between the cheese?”

“You’re being dramatic.” Dean returns, seeming more amused than anything.

“It’s just cheese, Sam,” Cass says, seeming confused about their fight.

“It’s not just cheese.” He says indignantly. “It’s the beer and the toilet paper and all the things that encompass your unhealthy healing ritual.”

Dean and Cass share a look. “This is just how we do things, Sam.”

“It’s not how you _should_ be doing things.”

“Any ideas, Dr. Phil?” Dean takes a seat opposite him, staring at him as though challenging him to do better.

Well, he _can_ do better. “Okay,” He says instantly, causing Dean to pause with shock.

“Cass, Dean. Sit.” 

“Oh no, we’re not doing this,” Dean says, moving to stand.

“Yeah, Dean. We’re doing this. Or I just lock us in here until you do.”

“You can’t do that.”

“I can.” He says easily, staring intently at Dean.

An unyielding expression might have been the safer option, but his puppy eyes haven’t failed him yet. He stares at Dean and stares… he sees the moment his brother caves and he almost smiles in triumph.

“Fine. Talk your psychobabble to us, Sam.”

“No, you guys need to talk. Well, all of us really.” He turns to Cass. “Do either of you remember anything from the last few weeks.”

Dean and Cass share a look. “No,” they say at the same time.

“Last thing I remember…” Dean says, the nostalgia is clear in his tone. “Cass was jumping around on my bed and I found your stupid camera.”

Sam winces. Not one of his best moments.

Latching onto that point, Dean dives in, ready to tear him a new one. “Yeah, why don’t we talk about that, Sam? What possesses one brother to invade the other’s privacy in such a heinous manner?”

Sam blinks. “That’s not fair, is it? You hid the pearl!”

Now it’s Dean’s turn to look uncomfortable.

“It’s okay, Dean,” Cass says suddenly. “We understand.”

Sam throws him a skeptical look, but Cass presses forward. “I knew where the pearl was. Neither of us were ready to let go…” 

Dean swallows. “You were kind of cute as a kid.”

“Why did you really want to keep Cass the way he was?”

“Because… it was nice.” Dean says shortly.

Sam knows that that’s not the real reason, but he doesn’t push. This is all about them realising that words are important too.

“We hung out.” Dean murmurs, “We never argued, he worshipped me. Dude…” He looks across at Cass then. “We hung out _all the time._ There was never a dull moment between us. Cass, I thought of you as my very own kid. And if you didn’t change back… I’d have raised you as my own in a heartbeat.”

“Dean,” Cass whispers, his voice heavy with emotion. Sure, Sam had told him some of this stuff, but hearing it from Dean must be more profound. “First of all, thank you. For taking care of me and for being so willing to raise me. I know that mustn’t have been easy for you, given our fight was just a few hours before.”

“I didn’t care about the fight, Cass,” Dean admits. “It was – it didn’t matter. I wish you didn’t feel like you had to leave. And I’m sorry… for the way I treated you.”

“I know, Dean. I haven’t been the most trustworthy person of late. You did what you had to do. Now we’re ‘mending our fences,’ right?”

Dean nods crisply. “Yeah, that’s what we’re doing.”

“Now,” Sam says, “Let’s talk about your deal.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Dean asks instantly.

“Because I didn’t think you’d care.”

There it is. Cass’ lack of faith in himself. That he’s not important enough for them to care. Sam just needs to convince him that that’s not true.


	21. The Conundrum That is Dean Winchester

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to shipperofdarkness for beta reading this chapter!

Sam waits a beat to let that revelation sink in. Mostly, he waits to see what Dean will say.

At the end of the day, they’re only in this because of the fight Dean and Cass had. There hasn’t been any time for them to sort things out. He knows that Cass needs that attention from Dean. The attention that Dean once gave willingly then took away so suddenly. And Dean needs it too. They need to show each other that they’re both committed to fixing this, that when they rebuild their friendship it isn’t going to be a one man show. In love or not, they complete each other in some indescribable way.

“Do you two want a minute alone?” Sam asks. He receives a disgruntled and somewhat confused look from Dean.

“Cass drops a bomb and you just check out?”

Well, at least Dean is coming to his defence now, instead of lashing out at Cass.

“Is there something I don’t know?” Dean says, narrowing his eyes. “Some reason you need to leave?”

Cass looks panicked, which is never a good sign. Maybe he shouldn’t have brought it up leaving? It certainly made Dean suspicious. What can he say that won’t throw Cass into the fire?

“Um… you two have your ‘more profound bond,’” Sam explains. “I just thought you’d like some privacy. Technically, you two haven’t talked as _adults_ in ages.”

“We… talked,” Dean says carefully.

“I’m referring to a conversation lasting more than a couple of sentences,” Sam deadpans.

“Oh.”

Baiting Dean with the profound stuff was pretty low of him. Especially since he knows just how much Dean secretly preens over his title. He likes that he’s someone’s explicit favorite.

“No,” Dean says after a few seconds. “We – we should all be here. Cass and I…” he casts a strange look over to their friend. “We’ll talk later.”

“Okay,” Sam says, wondering if there’s a way he can _prevent_ them from talking later because that almost sounded like a threat. And Cass doesn’t need to be bombarded with hostility right now. He needs to feel at home. Or else, he’ll just leave again.

He set the precedent by leaving that first time.

Sam collects his thoughts. What he needs to say should be precise, with no room for misinterpretation. “Cass, you need to realize that we care for you.”

“I know you care, Sam.”

“Not…” Sam sighs. “We care about you even when you can’t do something to help us. We care when you make a mistake – especially then. But we’re people too and sometimes we get mad or wrapped up in our own stuff and we don’t see how that affects you.” 

Sam _had_ been pretty wrapped up with himself – between the bullet wound and Rowena dying, he’d basically checked out of Team Free Will.

“How am I supposed to believe that you care? Everyone tells me you don’t. That you’re using me. And at the start, I didn’t care. I got used to it. I used to think it didn’t matter. That I could prove myself to you and you’d accept me. Bring me into the fold. I think I’ve proven myself. I pull my weight. Yet, you treat me like an outsider.”

That’s a lot to digest. Sam gives Dean a pointed look. It shouldn’t be Sam that’s the only one speaking, especially when the contention lies between Dean and Cass.

“Sam’s my brother,” Dean says gruffly.

Cass looks wrecked. “You told me that I was your brother too.”

Uh oh. He wants to cough out ‘Poughkeepsie’ but Cass knows their code words now.

“I raised him since before I can remember without a second thought. For a long time, I considered him my kid.”

This isn’t something he knew about. It’s kind of heartbreaking. But Cass doesn’t need to hear this. Sam knows that the relationship they have will always be different to the one Dean and Cass have. But that isn’t something that should be brought up now. Dean should know, people like to feel like they’re the favorite… or at least something close. Yet Dean keeps talking, and he can’t tell him to can it without risking Dean just not talking to either of them for a week.

“You and me, we have a different thing. You saved me. And I’ll owe you forever for that… but Michael was wrong. That isn’t why I keep you around. I let you hang out with me and watch movies and take drives because I _like_ your company. You make me laugh and you care about things. You’re good and you do what you think is best. You don’t have anything to prove. Our relationship is different from Sam and I’s... but that doesn’t mean it’s lesser. You can be my brother. Or my best friend. Or my grandmother. All that matters is that you’re here.”

At the start, Sam thought that this was going to be a wreck. But that has got to be the most eloquent and in-tune with his (and someone else's) emotions Dean has been in his entire life. Sam wants to give him a pie as a reward.

“That… means a lot to me, Dean.” Cass says, but his posture is still stiff. “But the way you treat me sometimes, it makes me wonder about my place here.”

“You always have a place here,” Dean butts in instantly.

Sam nods in agreement.

“We call you because we know we can depend on you. Or else we’d just call any of the other hunters we know. Sure, there are some things that only you can do, but that doesn’t change the fact that we trust you.” Sam says, “Maybe, we could show a little more gratitude. Some more ‘fun nights’ might be in order, to help us all get back into a groove.”

Dean casts a look at Cass. “That’s if he’s staying.”

“Do you want me to stay?”

Dean bristles, “Do you want to stay?”

“Of course, I do,” Cass stresses. “But I’m tired of this. Being used, constantly worrying if you’re going to send me off to die like a good little soldier. I can stand a lot of things… but my choices will always be my own.”

Dean stares at him, then sighs, running a hand down his face. “You’re right. I’m sorry. You’re not ours to command. But you can tell us things. Now and in the future. I don’t know what I would have done if you were standing next to me one moment and you just disappeared, never to be seen and heard from again.”

“You’d move on,” Cass says.

“I don’t think you’re getting it, Cass.” Dean bites out, his emotions quickly beating back his pleasant attitude. “We’re family. If you die – when you died, I could barely function.” Cass throws him a skeptical look.

“Ask Sam,” Dean challenges.

Taken aback, Sam stumbles for a reply. That period isn’t something he relishes thinking about. They lost all their allies in one fell swoop and Dean wasn’t Dean anymore.

His drinking got worse, his moods were too much for even Sam to keep up with. He’d never been more worried about his brother. But then Cass came back… and daisies sprouted in their gardens once more.

“Yeah,” He croaks.

Dean shoots him a betrayed look. “That’s it?”

“It wasn’t a great time for me, Dean.” He defends.

With an exasperated sigh, Dean waves his hand, telling Sam to buzz off and turns to Cass.

“Point is. I care. We care. I would have raised you as my own son if we couldn’t get you back. You think I would have done that if I didn’t care?”

“You did take care of me,” Cass whispers. “Sam told me. You never left me, even when you should have. Even when I was hurting you.”

“I’m never the one who leaves, Cass.”


	22. Dean Winchester’s Guide to Staying Alive: No Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to shipperofdarkness for beta reading this chapter!

##  **Dean Winchester’s Guide to Staying Alive:** ~~ **Happiness**~~

“I - I never _want_ to leave you.” Cass protests, clearly realising that Dean must really be hurt by Cass leaving for him to even bother mentioning it. Meanwhile, Sam chooses to think of the ‘you’ as a general statement. “Sometimes after a case, I felt like you and Sam wanted me to leave.”

“Yeah, well, you leaving made me feel that you were only interested in working cases with us.”

Sam nods in agreement. Honestly? Sam thought so too. It’s nice to have concrete evidence that states otherwise.

“That’s not true,” Cass interjects. He seems to sink into his chair at the accusation, looking hurt that Dean would even think that. 

“Yeah, I know that now. But still, it feels cruddy when you just leave.” Dean admits, rubbing at his brow to hide his expression

“I won’t leave then,” Cass says in a heartbeat, clearly picking up that Dean has some strong feelings about him leaving.

Sam sees Dean actually consider that option. It’s something that Sam himself would love. All of them hunkered down in the bunker for the rest of their lives, living out their days without having to worry about being murdered.

“That’s not feasible,” Dean says, for once, being the voice of reason. “How about… you send a text or something before vanishing.”

“I can do that.” Cass assures. From the look on his face, he’s still processing that him leaving had an actual effect on Dean.

“I’m sorry too for any distress I may have caused.” Cass murmurs, his voice laced with regret.

“It’s in the past,” Sam says amicably. “Now we’re all on the same page.”

This conversation has been emotionally taxing. He’s about ready to retire from brother-angel therapy. Sam is ready for this to be _over_.

Dean nods eagerly, apparently also surpassing his daily limit for emotional chats. “Yup. So that means we’re all good, right?”

“We’re good, Dean.” Cass assures, seeming emboldened by the words.

Sam smiles, but his mood is dampened by the fact that things _aren’t_ good. Words are one thing, but actions and interpretations are another. They still have a long way to go before good. But this is a start. Dean and Cass are talking. No one is in need of a diaper change – thank God.

When Dean pulls out a notepad, Sam half wonders if he’s going to ask him to draft a contract stating that Cass can’t leave without prior approval – which would be a very ‘Dean’ thing to do. But no, Dean scribbles something on the top and makes a couple of scratches.

“Okay, Cass. Now that we’re back…” Dean rubs his hands together, allowing Sam to get a peek at the page.

Things That Make Cass Happy:

“Tell me what makes you happy so that we can toss it.”

Expunging the bunker may not be a bad idea… if they didn’t know what the real trigger was. Dean may not appreciate being tossed out onto the streets.

Then there’s the matter of Cass’ secret.

Sam is surprised that Dean hasn’t at least figured out that he makes Cass happy. All the evidence is there. They practically laid it out for him when they told him about the pearl trying to grant Cass’ wish (of happiness) only to bump into his deal with the Empty. Dean was the only one affected by Cass’ wish. But his brother knows how to be oblivious, almost as much as he does.

If not for this whole pearl fiasco, Sam would never have realized Cass’ feelings; which makes him feel ashamed because Cass is supposed to be his best friend too, yet, he’d been too self-absorbed to notice _for years._

Cass remains silent then, stumped for words.

“Dean,” Sam says to get his brother’s attention.

In a trance, Dean scribbles his own name under the list before looking up at Sam’s stricken expression. A sinking feeling settles deep in Sam’s gut. Everyone at the table stares at each other all horrified by Dean’s mistake.

Well, Dean thinks it’s a mistake and scratches at the page with a nervous chuckle. “Sorry,” he mutters. “I just got lost in the joy of list-making.”

He doesn’t know how right he is. And on the first try too.

To say Cass looks disconcerted is an understatement. Sam is worried about Dean seeing his face and realizing something is wrong.

“Dean,” he says again, distracting his brother from the page. “Maybe you should ease up. I’m sure Cass is plenty stressed.” Though, not necessarily because of the deal.

“I know,” Dean relents, dropping his list for now. “I just don’t want to mess up and accidentally invoke your deal. We don’t even know for sure how it works.”

“I understand,” Cass replies.

“So…” Dean says after a beat. “What’s item number one?”

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Sam points out.

“Well, I do.” Dean retorts without any real anger. “If Cass bites into a burger and disappears, you’ll be wishing you listened to me then.”

Replace burger with Dean in that scenario and sure, Sam’d be freaked out. But as it stands he’s fine. Because he knows that the conditions necessary won’t happen. But Dean doesn’t know that, so he’s just being a concerned friend.

“Dean, let’s just leave it be for now,” Cass implores.

Dean shakes his head. “I don’t think we should add burgers to the list.” He says. “It needs to be something bigger… or do burgers really make you that happy?”

“No,” Cass says venomously. “They don’t.”

“Come on, Cass,” Dean begs. “Just five things that you think could trigger it.”

Cass remains silent, looking away. It’s a tricky situation for Cass and Dean doesn’t even realize the position he’s putting him in. And Sam can’t say anything.

A few of the scariest seconds of Sam’s life pass before Dean angrily pops the cap from his pen, tossing it into the sink and begins dragging the pen angrily across the page..

Sam’s angle gives him a perfect view of the list.

  1. ~~Dean~~ ~~~~



Which, yeah, pretty on the nose.

  1. World peace
  2. Falling in love
  3. Jack coming back



Sam cringes at Jack’s name on the page.

  1. Going to heaven



He highly doubts that one. After all these years, he thinks Cass is over serving.

  1. Apple pie life



Dean roughly slides the list to Cass who peruses it and rolls his eyes.

“None of these things are happening, Dean.” He promises.

“You don’t know that” is Dean’s rebuttal. “Tomorrow, you could go with me to get groceries and fall in love with the cashier!”

Sam laughs at the absurdness of that.

“You’re one to talk,” Dean says, raising his brow. “Weren’t you the one who hit a dog and tumbled down the hill of love?”

Sam rolls his eyes. He knows they’re past that.

“I’m just brainstorming here,” Dean argues. “And everyone is attacking me.”

“I’m not attacking you,” Sam points out.

“No,” Dean simpers, “You’re _laughing_ at me.”

“I’m not attacking you either,” Cass says.

Dean sighs. “Then why won’t you tell me anything?”

“Because I know nothing is going to happen. I understand that you are trying to mitigate a bad situation but I have it under control,” Cass says.

Dean makes a noise of supreme exasperation before suspicion crawls into his gaze, which is focused mostly on Cass. “The only way you _can_ have it under control is if you know.”

All Dean needs to do is look at Cass’ guilty expression to get his answer.

“If you know, then you need to tell us,” Dean insists fervently.

“I don’t want to risk setting something off by accident.”

“That doesn’t make sense.” His gaze cuts to Sam’s then. “You don’t look shocked,” he observes.

Sam tries to put on his best ‘startled expression.’ He knows that Dean is worried about this, and usually he’d pick his brother first and foremost. But by keeping Cass’ feelings from him, he’s ensuring that Dean keeps Cass as a friend. He doesn’t know what Dean would do without Cass. So, technically, he is helping Dean. While helping Cass.

“You know what it is,” Dean whispers thinly.

“Yes,” Cass says, answering for him. “And I begged Sam to keep it a secret.”

Sam expects an uproar. For Dean to rage and demand to know.

“Is there a good reason you aren’t telling me?” His eyes shine with the hurt that Dean, for once, doesn’t try to cover with wrath.

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Dean pauses, his eyes darting back and forth as he tries to process or possibly figure out Cass’ secret.

“All I’m tryin’ to say is that to make sure that Cass is happy, we need to make sure he isn’t happy.” Dean finally says. “Until we find a way to fix this.”

“I don’t think there’s a way to fix this,” Cass sounds resigned.

“You didn’t think there was a way out of purgatory,” Dean says, his voice filled with hope and determination.

Cass sees it too and smiles lightly. “Maybe you’ll prove me wrong again.”

“Let’s bet on it,” Dean says immediately.

Curious, Cass takes the bait. “What are we betting?”

“If we fix it, then you tell me what would make you truly happy.”

“And if you don’t?”

“Then I lose anyway; you won’t be happy.”

“Deal.”


	23. Reprising His Role As The Ultimate Third Wheel, We Give You Sam Winchester

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [shipperofdarkness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipperofdarkness/profile) for beta reading this chapter!

It will take Sam some time to  readjust  to seeing Dean gulp down alcohol, open the fridge, or light the stove. Even though he’s now over six feet tall and  speaks fluently , Sam still has him pictured as a weak, defenseless toddler under his protection.

Same goes for Cass, who admittedly doesn’t live on the wild side like Dean. Having  Cass stand too close to Sam, as he chops some fruit for his smoothie, is a nerve-wracking experience.

“Cass,” he says, pausing. “Could you take a step back?”

Cass cocks his head, confused, but complies.

“I… just don’t want to cut you,” Sam says.

“I am an angel.” He reminds. “Cutting me with that knife would be pointless.”

“Actually, it would be  _ point-full _ .” Sam raises the knife to show the pointy part.

Cass gives him a dry, unamused stare. “Sam.”

“I know.” He sighs. “I just got accustomed to you guys being tiny. Seeing Dean drink beer is like seeing a four-year-old at  a bar.”

That brings a smile to Cass’ face. “Dean’s alcoholic tendencies strike again.”

Sam gets back to making his smoothie. He wonders if he should add some more blueberries. They add more texture. Plus, he likes the taste. Cass is staring at him too, as though also contemplating his decision to add more blueberries. Sam tries to ignore it. It’s usually Cass staring at Dean so this is a little off-putting. He’s been wondering about the bet Cass made with Dean. It’s a big commitment, especially if Cass intends on keeping his word. Cass isn’t the guy who just lies for kicks so Sam presumes that he’s going to follow through. But Cass was pretty insistent about keeping his feelings to himself. Is that exclusively because of the deal? 

Maybe Sam should start listening to his own advice. Talk things out and not just jump to conclusions.

“So,” Sam says, raising his brows. 

Castiel squints at him.

“Your deal with Dean.” Sam prods. “If we do figure this out, are you really going to tell him?”

“Yes.”

Sam blinks in shock.

“Wow.” He whispers in awe. “You could be my brother in law.”

“I think a few steps are missing,” Castiel mutters.

Sam waves a dismissive hand. “Details.”

Dean saunters into the kitchen then, cutting their conversation short. His robe is sprawling open with the ties dragging on the floor. Sam fights the urge to warn him about tripping. This Dean is less likely to actually follow his instructions and more likely to throw whiskey into his smoothie.

“Morning, sunshine.”

“Hello, Dean,” Cass replies.

“Good morning, Sam,” Sam says cynically, giving himself a hug since no one else will.

Dean rolls his eyes and pats his shoulder. “I’d wish you a good morning, but I see you threw up your breakfast.” Dean gestures to the blender with his smoothie.

Sam purses his lips. “I’ll have you know, I made kid Dean drink this.”

Dean gasps in horror. “No.”

“Oh yes.” Sam taunts. “And Cass helped.”

Cass holds up his hands. “Sam was the adult. Blame him.”

“Oh,” Dean says ominously. “I do.”

“On that creepy note,” Sam says. “I’m leaving.”

Dean chuckles. “Yeah, Sammy. You retreat but there’s nowhere that can keep you safe from the Meat Man.”

Sam groans. “Dean. Please. Google that term.”

Dean just winks.

It’s only been a day, but Dean and Cass are back. They stare. They snigger. They’re always close to each other. Hmm. Kind of like when they were kids.

Sam knows that Cass is going to have to fess up when they save him – and they will save him. Maybe he should have some practice…

“How about we go out for dinner tonight?” Sam asks cheerily. “You guys free?”

“I’m free,” Cass replies.

“Ditto.”

“Well…” Sam announces, turning so that he can make a quick escape once he drops the bomb on them. Dean, he expects, will go along with him, but Cass is likely to object. “I’m swamped,  you two have a nice night.”

Sam grins to himself as he makes his way out of the room.

“Sam, wait!” Dean’s voice is sharp. The plea evident in his voice.

So Sam waits.

Dean looks nervous. “I just – the three of us should spend some time together. I know you’re busy with research but one night.” Dean’s eyes flit across to Cass. “This is good with you right… non-triggering.”

Cass nods.

“Dean, you guys need some alone time.”

“We had months of alone time, Sam!” Dean snaps. “Apparently, Cass and I were inseparable as toddlers.”

“Yes, but-”

“Sam, just do this for me,” Dean whispers.

Cass makes an indignant noise. “Is spending time with me really all that abhorrent, Dean.” He asks snidely. “I thought you were the one who ‘wanted me to stay.’”

“I do.” Dean rushes to correct him. “I want you to stay. I want to have dinner with you… It’s just…”

Sam raises a brow, unable to help Dean complete that sentence, even if he had wanted to. He hopes he gets to it with some haste because Cass’ face is becoming grimmer and grimmer by the second. This is what Sam meant by ‘things weren’t fixed.’ The doubt that remains between them will take some time and effort to remove.

_ Dear God, why is Dean struggling to form a sentence? Why can’t he stop fidgeting and say something before Cass comes to the wrong conclusion? _

“I can’t drive okay!” Dean says suddenly. There are  _ actual _ tears in his brother’s eyes. His frustration is evident.  Sam almost bites his lip off to keep himself from laughing in Dean’s face. Sure, he feels for his brother but Dean not being able to drive his car is just poetic justice for all the times he was stingy with the wheel. “I just – I tried to take Baby out for a spin earlier and I almost crashed just coming out of the parking space!” Dean breathes heavily, distress creasing his face. “It’s like my mind still thinks my body’s a baby!”

Toddler, but yeah.

“I’ve experienced that too,” Cass replies, seeming relieved despite Dean’s anguish. “When I passed by the laundry room earlier, I found myself fighting the inexplicable desire to sit under the pile of dirty clothes.”

Sam sniggers,  kid Cass under some clothes may have been a hoot but picturing adult Cass in the same position is a masterpiece. Cass turns to him with a searching look, but Sam doesn’t bother filling in the details.

“Well,” he says instead. “I hope you washed your coat because I’m driving you guys to the diner in town.”

…

Dean sat prissily in the front seat for most of the journey, acting like Sam was about to run them off the road every time he took a corner, while Cass just crossed his arms and looked amused from the back seat. If there was an award for ‘World’s Best Back-Seat Driver,’ Dean would win it every year… and Sam would probably be the one handing him his award.

Once they get out of the car, Dean’s mood  is much improved, he even jokingly opens his and Cass’ door for them to get out of the Impala.  Sam scoffs when Dean comes around to his side.

“Like I said, I’m swamped.” Sam reminds him.

Dean chortles at that giving him a knowing look. “Yeah right,” he says. “You’re not leaving us stranded here. You can spare one night off, Sam.”

Relenting, Sam clambers out of the car shaking his head at Dean. He guesses he’s going to dinner after all.

As they enter the establishment, Dean once again holds the door open for them both, muttering something about how chivalry isn’t dead.

They take their usual spots in the booth. Cass and Dean pile into one side and Sam drapes himself across the other.

Dean’s eyes immediately go to the menu, most likely searching for specials. Sam scoffs. Some things never change.

“I know what I’m having,” Dean says after two seconds flat. “Pie. Sam probably left poor little Dean deprived.”

“Hey!” He snaps. “I gave you pie. You begged so much that it was like your only staple at some points.”

Dean blinks in shock. “Well… that’s… unexpected.”

Sam chuckles. “Your cute green eyes were impossible to resist.”

“Now we know who Sam learned his ‘puppy eyes’ from,” Cass says.

Dean shakes his head, “No way. I don’t have puppy eyes.”

Cass stares at him for a long moment. It reminds Sam of old times. It’s just that now he knows what the stare means. Cass then nudges Dean’s shoulder, all the while  gazing into Dean’s eyes, “Don’t you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys!
> 
> I know I haven't updated this one in a while so there's going to be a double update this week. The next one comes out on Friday! Enjoy!
> 
> xoxo


	24. For The Love of God Sam, Please Let It Go To Voice-Mail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [shipperofdarkness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipperofdarkness/profile) for beta reading this chapter( and prompting me to add in the doe eyed stuff at the start)!

At that, Dean just props his elbow on the table and leans even closer to Cass. “Can you please tell me what would make you happy? Pretty please.”

Comically, Dean pouts and makes doe eyes at Cass. “If it’s not working, then that means I _don’t_ have puppy eyes after all.” Dean decides, hoping to taunt Cass into revealing his secret.

“We have a bet.” Cass reminds him.

Once again, Dean pouts.

Sam just doesn’t understand them. If he had to stare at someone for so long, even Dean, he’d be pretty uncomfortable. Dean seems right at home - like he wouldn’t even mind spending the rest of his life with his chin on his elbow, gazing at Cass. And that… makes Sam’s insides churn.

Or maybe it’s just his hunger.

Sam orders a lettuce wrap for himself and Dean orders burgers for him and Cass. The plate swap Dean does is unsurprising and all Sam can do is scoff as Dean scarfs down Cass’ burger.

“You know.” He comments. “Kid Cass would have been all up in Dean’s face right about now.”

Dean raises a brow. “Kid Cass was stingy with his burgers, huh?”

“No,” Sam says refusing to tell Dean that Cass enjoyed inspecting his mouth as he chewed or that Dean sometimes nibbled on Cass’ finger when he wanted some of his food. It’s nice to know stuff about Dean that he doesn’t know about himself. He wonders how Dean would react to some of the pictures he took of them. He considers getting his phone out but ultimately decides against it. There's no use antagonizing his brother when they’re supposed to be having a relaxing evening out.

However, when Dean lifts his beer and smashes the mouth of it into his own cheek, all bets are off.

“Aw,” Sam coos. “Baby Dean wants his bottle?” He probably sounds like a maniac to anyone eavesdropping, but mocking Dean is more important right now.

Dean splutters, slamming the bottle on the table. “It’s just my – stupid body that still thinks is about two feet tall!”

Castiel gives him a sidelong look and Sam is reminded that Dean isn’t the only one facing this problem.

“It is annoying.” Cass agrees, shifting in his seat.

“It’s… kind of weird for me too.” Sam admits. “When I saw Dean drinking beer earlier, I almost died.”

“You didn’t let toddler me drink beer?” Dean wonders aloud.

“Of course not,” says Sam, thoroughly offended. “I’m not a barbarian.”

“Hello, gentlemen.” Their waitress says smiling brightly at the trio. “Will you be having any dessert today?”

“No thanks,” Sam says at the same time Dean says. “Two apple pies.”

“Is that all?” She confirms, glancing at Cass who hadn’t spoken.

Sam fights the urge to roll his eyes. “How much sugar do you want to consume, Dean?”

Then, Dean manages to take Sam’s innocent question and turn it into a pick-up line.

“Well, there is something else.” Dean croons that special smile he has reserved for dates slipping onto his face effortlessly. “But I don’t think it’s listed here on the menu…”

He shouldn’t really be surprised. He’s actually perplexed at how long it took Dean to flirt with her. He usually does it as soon as someone comes to take their order. Maybe it has something to do with their minds still thinking like a kid’s. He’s not worried about that, it’s just a reflex that will wear off in time.

What really has Sam on edge is Cass. Whenever they were out and Dean flirted with someone the angel would just remain silent for a while after. Sam thought that it was his way of giving Dean space to flirt and have fun like a good wingman. But now that he knows Cass doesn’t see himself as Dean’s wingman, Sam interprets the silence differently.

His new perspective on Cass’ silence isn’t something he can share with Dean though; not without arousing his suspicion.

Sam can see the sullen silence and the jealousy that rolls off Cass in waves. He can see the pain and hurt and inadequacy in his gaze and Sam is suddenly raging mad. At Dean for being so damn stupid and at himself for being too blind to see it before.

How had he missed Cass’ longing gazes? That profound hurt? Had he been oblivious or is he just so deprived of love that he can’t even recognize it when it’s sitting in front of him, shoulders slumped, eyes downcast, and wearing a dirty trench coat?

Sam had been watching Cass look at Dean like this for years and no one had noticed. No one had done anything.

Well, today is the day that changes. Even though he knows that rationally, Dean doesn’t know what he does and isn’t to blame, Sam is ready to strangle him.

The intensity of his glare makes the woman’s smile fall and she quickly excuses herself from their table.

“Dude.” Dean protests, raising his hands in disbelief. “Are you trying to cockblock me?”

“Yes.” Sam simpers. “You promised that dinner tonight would be about hanging out with us, not wetting your dick.”

Cass’ eyes are on him now, worried about Sam spilling something. But he isn’t dumb enough to do that. If anyone’s telling Dean, it’s going to be Cass.

“I was just having some fun, Sam.” Dean protests. “There’s no need to get your panties in a twist.”

Dean scoffs then like he’s morally offended by Sam asking him to not flirt with every woman he sees. Sam is tempted to ask if he’s overcompensating for something… but he knows the answer to that. Their father made it abundantly clear that they can never have a normal life… never settle down. And that meant that one-night stands were the way to go. But Sam doesn’t want to bring up John right now. But he isn’t letting Dean off the hook either. When Cass fesses up, Dean will realize that Sam was only trying to protect his feelings, and he will be thankful.

But as Dean stuffs another fry into his mouth, Sam realizes that he isn’t taking this seriously. Maybe because he doesn’t realize that he _should_ take it seriously. 

“I can tell that you’re going to ignore me and keep on flirting. But how do you know that little Dean won't still think you’re little?”

That seems to curb Dean’s mood… and his appetite.

He chokes on his fry, coughing loudly and clutching his throat with one hand. To Dean’s left, Cass is casually looking out the window. His face is a bit redder than usual. Sam supposes he shouldn’t have mentioned Dean’s… thing… so casually. At least, they don’t have to worry about Cass being too happy right now. Between Dean’s dry heaves and whatever emotions Cass must be going through because of Sam’s little joke, he’s safe from all cosmic entities. 

Sam could have been a little more considerate. He doesn’t know what Cass is thinking now that he’s brought up little Dean. He’s probably thinking about _it_. _Dean’s_ probably thinking about it too. Sam’s pretty sure that as soon as he’s done choking, Dean’s gonna take a little trip to the bathroom. 

Ugh. Now Sam’s lost his appetite.

Seeing as they can’t just let Dean choke to death, Cass finally does the humane thing. Slapping him rather harshly on the back and causing the offending fry to be projected about halfway across the table. Sam’s pretty sure he didn’t _need_ to hit him that hard.

“Thanks, Cass.” Dean croaks.

By the way Dean just pats him on the back, Sam’s sure that he hasn’t picked up on Cass’ foul mood.

Sam is about to launch into a spiel about why he should limit his flirting with them around when Dean does the unspeakable. He reaches forward and picks up the fry that almost killed him and pops it into his mouth. Pure disgust makes Sam fall silent.

Capitalizing on his silence, Dean continues talking.

“Since when has my flirting bothered you?” he demands, his voice still sounds hoarse. “I don’t stop you when you feel like banging the sexy waitress.”

“Yeah.” Sam bites out, trying to focus on the big picture and not the disgusting half-chewed fry in Dean’s mouth. “That’s because I don’t do it every other Tuesday.”

Dean glares at him. “Fine. Next time I go out, I’ll take Cass with me. At least he knows how to be a good wingman.”

“No!” Sam yells, drawing stares from some of the other patrons.

Castiel’s eyes are wide, no longer filled with longing but with fear. It makes Sam realize that he needs to cool it. Dean doesn’t know and Cass doesn’t want him to know. There’s nothing he can do about that. What he can do is try to help curb Dean’s flirting in front of Cass.

“Have you ever thought that you flirting like that makes us uncomfortable?”

“No, it doesn’t,” Dean says.

Sam sighs. “I’m literally telling you that it does.” He says blandly.

“You feel like that too, Cass?” Dean asks quietly, turning his attention to Cass who just stares at him like a deer in the headlights.

Cass remains silent, his features becoming more pinched with each passing second, Dean keeps staring and staring, and Sam is ready to start waving his hands wildly to get their attention when his phone rings shrilly, doing the job for him.

“For the love of God - Sam, please let it go to voicemail.” Dean hisses turning to glare at his phone.

Maybe Sam should have let it go to voicemail and let Dean carry on staring at Cass for the rest of the night. But this is Jody; she helped him when the mere thought of taking care of Dean and Cass and doing research scared him to death.

“Hey, Jody.”


	25. The Categorical Imperative Involving the Intensity, Direction, and Duration of DeanCas Eye-Sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [shipperofdarkness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipperofdarkness/profile) for beta reading this chapter!

“Hey, Sam.” She says cheerily. “Once again, I’m sorry I ran off like that.”

“I understand,” Sam says, remembering vaguely how she had seemed to just disappear between one second and the next.  She has her own life, Sam understands that. But she  _ had _ come through for him at a crucial moment and deserves thanks for that. Though, he does find it difficult to express his gratitude with Dean and Cass glaring at him. “Claire and Alex needed your help.”

“I take it everything is resolved?” She hedges.

“Yeah. And I can’t thank you enough for your help.” Sam chuckles. “Dean and Cass are big boys now.”

“Oh , are we?” Dean wonders loudly.

“That’s good to hear, Sam.” He can hear the laugh in her voice. “ Can I talk to Dean?”

“Uh, sure.” He removes the phone  from his ear and waves it at Dean’s annoyed face.  Dean  He shakes his head but accepts the phone nonetheless. “Hey, Jody, what’s shakin’?”

“Huh?” Dean shifts to try to get a better signal.

“What?” he breathes, aghast. “Who-” Dean’s head snaps up then. Wide-eyed, he pulls the phone slightly away from his ear and stares at Sam with an almost heartbroken look. 

That’s certainly strange. Sam knows that Claire and Alex are fine. Jody wouldn’t have sounded as calm as she did if they weren’t okay. Curious, he mouths ‘What’s going on?’ 

Stiffening, Dean just shakes his head and clutches the phone tightly.

Cass furrows his brows at Dean who waves away his concern. Sam shares a look with Cass. They both know this is strange behavior, especially for Dean who usually loves hearing from Jody. Sam finds himself wishing that Cass would just lean a little close and eavesdrop. Then , at least they’d know what has Dean so uptight.

“I can’t hear you,” he says, s tanding suddenly. He gives Sam a quick pat on the shoulder . “ E- Everything’s fine Sammy, I just - I thought - misheard somethin’.  I’m goin’ out to the car to see if I get better reception.”

As Dean exits the diner, Sam shares a confused look with Cass. “I heard her just fine.”

“Sam.” Cass chastises. “We have more important things to talk about than Dean’s hearing.”

“I saw you looking at him,” Sam admits. “And it irked me that you just sat there and let him hurt you.”

“You know why I don’t tell him,” Cass says morosely.

“Actually,” Sam says. “I don’t.”

Cass just looks at him incredulously. “Are you serious?”

“Let’s say that you tell him. What would really change?”

“He would alienate me.” Cass insists vehemently. “He would never want to spend another second alone with me.  _ Everything _ would change, Sam.”

“Listen,” Sam says gently. He recognizes how hard it can be for someone to change their way of thinking. “I know Dean and I know how much you mean to him. This… you telling him how you feel… yeah, that would probably scare the crap out of him. But he would never abandon you because of it.”

“You don’t know that.”  His voice is raw  and his face contorts with bitterness. His expression is that of a man who has lost all hope - who thought he hit rock bottom and realized that it was just sand and that he was falling again, this time in suspended animation… drowning in despair. 

Sam understands. Or at least, he’d like to think he does. Unrequited love is not something he has experience with. With Jess, he’d been shy at first, but eventually, he got over himself and went for it. But he had Dean his whole life; training him - albeit unwillingly - in the art of seduction.

With Cass, it’s a whole different ball game. This is a matter of sexuality rather than courage. Dean is straight and has been his entire life. Something miraculous would need to happen in order to change that. But that doesn’t mean Cass has to suffer until a miracle occurs. Things would change between them… but that’s the point. Things  _ need _ to change. The system they have is old and rickety and falling apart at the seams.

Cass deserves better. And Dean deserves the opportunity to give him better.

“Cass, you know Dean cares about you. He’d hate to know that he’s been hurting you for all these years.”

“Maybe,” Cass whispers dubiously.

“Okay,” Sam says, rapping his knuckles against the table to just get out some of  his excess nerves. Despite how sure he feels right now, there’s always a chance that things could go sideways and that Dean would pull away. He doesn’t want to be the one to encourage Cass to do it and have things backfire.

“Let’s talk about the staring then.”

Cass’ head immediately whips around, checking for any signs of Dean.

“Relax. I can see him from my spot. He’s leaning on the Impala.” Sam assures.

“What’s there to talk about?” Cass asks, clearly already done with this conversation.

“We can talk about the intensity… the direction… the duration… the-”

“Sam.” Cass simpers. “Stop talking.”

“The participants.” He finishes with a sly grin. “Why do you stare at him anyway? I thought you were all about  _ not _ making things obvious.”

“Dean doesn’t know.” Cass sounds positive but that doesn’t answer Sam’s main question.

“Why stare at him?” He repeats.

Cass doesn’t look particularly comfortable answering this question but Sam  _ needs _ to know. He puts his own puppy eyes into action , which just seems to amuse Cass.

“Really, Sam.”

Sam intensifies his expression. “Really.”

He sees the moment Cass relents and he sits back in his seat with a satisfied smile. “Puppy eyes five hundred, Cass nil.”

Sam feels a little bad about using his secret weapon on Cass. But he thinks  that this needs to be addressed. This is dangerous territory but Cass’ deal only comes into effect if he’s happy. All Sam is trying to do is get him to open up. If he does tell Dean, all that Sam expects to change would be Dean’s incessant flirting in front of them. Sam isn’t an idiot. Dean doesn’t love Cass like that. So there’s no chance of invoking his deal.

“I can see his soul,” Cass says at last. “Dean’s soul is a beautiful thing, the way it moves, the way it reacts to things . I t’s enchanting.”

“That – that’s really romantic , Cass,” Sam says. He  _ knows _ about Cass’s feelings now, but this is the first time he’s said something so blatantly quixotic. He’s so used to stoic, unshakable Cass that this new, vulnerable one is reactivating all his protective instincts.

“Now , you understand why I can’t tell him.” Cass murmurs sadly. “If he knew, I would never be able to indulge again.”

“But that’s what I’m trying to tell you , Cass…  H ave you ever noticed he stares back?”

But why  _ does _ Dean stare back ?

Sam’s eyes widen.  _ What if Dean knows? _

That isn’t something he wants to share with Cass. It’s already putting Sam into panic mode, who knows what Cass will do. He’s not sure about that yet anyway. He has to schedule Dean  in for interrogation later. Because if he knows…

“Of course, he stares back, Sam,” Cass says, oblivious to his inner turmoil.

“But  _ why _ ?” Sam emphasizes.

Clearly annoyed by Sam’s barrage of questions, Cass just shakes his head at him  and  shrugs, refusing - or maybe unable - to answer. It doesn’t matter. Sam doesn’t need a verbal response. From the pensive look on the angel’s face, he’s thinking about it… and that’s exactly what Sam wants.

“You guys stare a lot,” he says boldly. “It’s something I’ve always noticed and wondered about. Sure, I get why you stare now. But Dean? What reason does he have for maintaining such impractically long periods of eye contact when he’s the ambassador of personal space?”

That seems to stump Cass.

“Then there’s the intensity.” Sam continues. “It’s like there’s something tangible connecting you two. Sometimes I feel like if I were to walk between you at that moment, I’d trip over the rope of your profound bondage.”

Cass still remains silent.

“Now let’s consider the direction.” Sam presses on. Dean is still by the car but he looks to be wrapping up the call. Sam can’t risk saying this in the bunker, so this is his last chance. “Your gaze is directed solely at Dean. I haven’t seen you do this with another person. I’ve never seen Dean look at another person like that either.”

He waits for a beat in case Cass has something to add. But the angel seems intent on just listening for now.

“Do you know what a categorical imperative is, Cass?”

“That’s when you feel obligated to do something,” he says with a frown.

“There’s a popular example. A thirsty man.” Sam explains. “If someone wants to stop being thirsty , it’s  _ imperative  _ that they drink. And that is always true. With you and Dean , you… feel some equivalent of thirsty and you  _ have _ to drink. However, in your case, drinking means staring. Sometimes you need to do it for long  durations or a short , intense moment. But you  _ have _ to do it and it’s true at all times.”

Sam reassures himself once more that Dean is still on the phone before continuing.

“I know you guys would like to downplay it by bringing up your bond… but I don’t know , man . I think this goes beyond just your bond. When you were kids , everything was exacerbated… I think that really opened my eyes.”

“Opened your eyes to what?”

“How much you two need each other , ” Sam whispers. A low rumble drowns his words, which causes Cass to just stare at him, bewildered.

“What?”

“You two need each other , ” Sam repeats.

Cass looks disgruntled, almost like he wished that rumbling noise would come back again and save him from replying. But as the seconds tick by, Cass realizes that he won’t be spared. He licks his lips and Sam can tell what he’s about to say is going to be  _ juicy. _

Sam does a quick Dean check,  he doesn’t want Dean to sneak up on them in the middle of Cass’ confession … and his eyes are  _ really _ opened.

Blown wide to be precise.

Dean isn’t by the car anymore.

In fact, the Baby isn’t even  _ in _ the parking lot.

Sam knows his brother can’t drive due to ‘perceived baby-body syndrome.’  Sam presses his hand onto his pocket . T he sharpness of the car keys is all the confirmation he needs.  That means… “Dean’s been kidnapped.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *maniacally cackles*
> 
> Sam just doesn't catch a break, does he?


	26. This Unspoken Thing Between Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta, [shipperofdarkness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipperofdarkness/profile) for helping me spruce up this chap!

Years of  hunting keeps Sam from massively freaking out. Cass , on the other hand, seems distraught. He’s trying to hide it but he isn’t doing  a  very good job. The first thing Sam needs to do is hijack a car and  then they need to track down his brother . Dean vanished between one second and the next. Whoever took him couldn’t have gotten far.

“Let’s go.” He says to Cass, tossing some money on the table and making his way outside. His eyes are already scanning the parking lot, looking for the most inconspicuous vehicle. Luckily, there’s a nice black tiida in the very back. As Sam smashes the glass with his elbow and unlocks the doors, he glances at Cass who seems pretty out of it, wringing his hands together and glancing around apprehensively.

“Hey , ” Sam calls. “Now’s not the time to shut down. Dean needs us.”

That seems to help some. The angel gathers himself and hops into the passenger seat.

“Maybe Dean still has my phone. Why don’t you track him ? ” There, that gives Cass something to occupy his hands while Sam jump - starts the car.

Less than a minute later, they’re peeling out of the parking lot and driving along the main road.

“How’s it going?” Sam asks as they approach an intersection. He’s confident in Cass’ ability to track. Despite his tiff with technology, the angel can use it in a pinch.

“I can’t trace your phone or his,” Cass informs him grimly. “There’s a feed across from the diner though, I’m trying to get in.”

They’re going at cruising speed and Sam can’t take the corner without knowing which way to turn. “Grab the wheel.” He instructs, reaching over with one hand to take the phone.

All he needs to bypass the firewall is a quick wor ka round. Sam nods a thank you to Cass and retakes the wheel. He holds the phone between them. Dean is standing in the top right corner of the frame. Though the quality is grainy, his frustration is evident. Sam sees  the phone  screen dim as he cuts the call and presses his head against the top of Baby in exasperation.

_ What the hell did Jody say to him? _

What happens next shocks Sam to his core. Dean  throws Sam’s phone to the ground, grinding it with his boot before shak ing his head. Then , he opens Baby’s door  and jumps inside. The car remains still for a few seconds before peeling away .

Sam blinks at the screen, flabbergasted

Sam has the only key. Which means... Dean had to  _ hotwire _ Baby.  _ Baby.  _ The car he cherishes more than pie.

Moreover, w hat happened to not being able to drive without crashing? Did he not care or was whatever it was so urgent that he couldn’t at least  _ call _ Cass’ cell to let them know that he’s going ?  It must be for Dean to mutilate Baby like that when Sam and the keys were just a stone’s throw away.

“Sam!” Cass says, snapping him out of his trance. “You missed the corner.” The angel says gently.

Sam swallows, his body relaxing marginally. “Dean wasn’t  taken .” He says.

It clicks for Cass then, “He just left?”  H e sounds slightly hurt. “Why?”

“I – I honestly don’t know man , ” Sam admits, rubbing a hand through his hair. “This is strange. Even for him.”

Cass just sits back in his seat, frowning.

“Now we’re driving around at grandma speed in a stolen car for nothing.” Sam laments.

Dean better have a damn good reason for leaving them in the dust.

“I’m going to call Jody , ” Cass says suddenly. “Find out what she said to Dean.”

Sam nods absent-mindedly, “Good idea.” But he’s having an even worse one. Before Jody’s call ,  Sam was complaining about  Dean’ s flirting and hook-up habits.

Maybe that’s what  Dean was talking to Jody about ? Maybe she agreed with hi s brother , that he’s free to screw whoever, because she didn’t understand the intention behind Sam’s intervention ? Dean might have just said ‘screw it’ and drove to the nearest bar in a rage.

If that’s the case, Sam isn’t keen on tracking him down, not with Cass still in the car. Angry, drunk, horny Dean isn’t a sight to behold. Sam figures he’ll get it out of his system tonight and sober up by the morning, waltz into the bunker and tell them all about his wild night.

“She isn’t answering , ” Cass tells him glumly.

Sam sighs. Great. Just great.

“I’m headed back to the bunker , ” Sam says. “Soon as we ditch this car.”

…

Anger engulfs him at the sight of Dean sipping whiskey on a chair.

“What. The. Hell?” Sam growls, alerting Dean to their presence.

Cass doesn’t share his anger, he cocks his head, “Why did you come back here?”

“Because I wanted to , Cass!” he snaps, downing the rest of his glass.

“You abandoned us.” Sam reminds him furiously.

Dean just shrugs indifferently. “It’s not like I left you in the desert , Sam. You’re fine.”

“That isn’t the point.” He sighs. “Why did you leave , Dean?”

Dean just glances at them, then away, slowly pouring himself another glass.

For some reason, the sound of the brown liquid falling into the glass so slowly has Sam ticked off. He snatches the bottle away and shakes his head. “What’s going on, Dean? What on earth was _so important_ that you were willing to damage _Baby_?!” 

“Nothing.”

It’s a bald - face d lie and they all know it.

“What happened to talking?” Maybe guilt-tripping him will work.

“I  _ want _ to tell you , Sam.” Dean laughs wryly. “Actually, I can’t wait to talk to you guys about this… but I can’t. Not yet.” Dean whispers.

“We can respect that.” Cass pipes up. He raises a brow at Sam who just roll s his eyes.

Dean clenches his hands, and Sam hears a strange , crink l ing noise. In his  brother’s left hand, there’s a crumpled piece of paper. Sam would bet that it’s the key to unlocking the reason behind Dean’s strange behavi or .

Dean’s being stubborn right now. They’re not getting anything from him anyway. “Fine.” He groans at last. “I’ll drop it.”

But from the look on Dean’s face – whatever this thing is –  _ Dean _ won’t be dropping it any time soon.


	27. The Inconspicuous Phone Call That Sam Should Have Never Passed Along

Sam gives Dean the night to cool down. Now that his anger has faded, he’s genuinely worried about Dean. He seems almost broken by whatever happened last night. He ate the oats that Sam made for breakfast without complaint and went straight to his room. Sam knows how much alcohol he has tucked away in there.

Cass is also strangely absent… possibly trying to _actually_ give Dean space and not hover like Sam.

Worst yet, he can’t get a hold of Jody at all. No matter how many times he calls, it always goes to voicemail. He has half a mind to drive all the way up to confront her.

He could ask Dean… but he’s volatile right now. He’s just as likely to explode as he is to withdraw completely. Sam doesn’t want to risk either right now.

Maybe he can just be there. Hang around and take Dean’s mind off of whatever’s bothering him.

Sam knocks on his door, a copy of _Tombstone_ tucked behind his back. It’s a classic, one Dean forces them to watch often… He’s a sucker for the movie. Sam is also equipped with a pound of bacon ~~bag of jerky~~ and a slice of apple pie. And, if all else fails, he can stream the new Game of Thrones from his phone.

“Knock knock!” He calls when Dean doesn’t answer.

“Who’s there?”

Sam rolls his eyes. “The pizza man,” Sam says sarcastically.

“The pizza man who?”

“The pizza man who will eat your pie if you don’t answer the door.”

Dean opens up almost immediately. His eyes settling on the pie and snatching it before Sam can move his mouth.

“You’re like a bloodhound,” Sam comments as Dean takes a lick of the whipped cream.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean says dismissively. “Don’t think I don’t know what this is.”

Sam raises a brow. “And that is?”

“It’s a bribe. You’re bribing me with comfort food like I’m some sixteen-year-old chick.” Despite being ‘morally offended,’ Dean has no problem gobbling it up.

“I just wanted to cheer you up,” Sam says sincerely.

“So you aren’t here to pressure me into telling you my secrets?”

“No, Dean. I’m here to distract you. But if you want to talk, I won’t stop you.” Sam reveals the movie, pleased that Dean’s eyes light up immediately. “Plus, I brought entertainment.”

“Damn right you did,” Dean mutters, allowing him to enter. “Or else we’d have to braid your hair all night.”

The first thought that comes to mind is Cass trying to figure out the technique to braiding. But Dean hasn’t mentioned Cass once since seeing him. That’s highly unusual for Dean, so Sam won’t bring him up until Dean does.

…

“This is my favorite part,” Dean says, for what must be the tenth time.

Sam just nods and pops a piece of popcorn into his mouth. After Dean devoured the pie and ~~the~~ bacon, he insisted on a field trip to the kitchen to stock up on more snacks. Sam even lets himself indulge a little. It isn’t often he and Dean get to hang out alone.

Plus, it’s amusing to snag some of Dean’s chips.

Sam feels immensely relaxed. He’s lying mostly flat while Dean is sitting with his back against the headboard so he can eat. Then, something catches his eye. It’s the paper from earlier, the one Dean had been clutching. He’s sure of it.

The paper is balled up, the words not visible. Sam’s fingers are literally itching to reach out and pry it open. He resists the urge. Dean is enjoying himself for once. Sam isn’t going to ruin it just yet.

When the movie is done, Dean turns to him. His face looks weary once more, his eyes tired and defeated. “I just wanted to tell you…”

Sam waits. Whatever Dean needs to say, he needs to say it himself. Dean has his own thoughts, he just needs the patience to put them into words.

“… that this thing you’re trying to get us to do? That ‘talk it out’ approach.” He says at last. “We need that.”

Sam nods. He’s glad Dean sees it that way. But that isn’t what he really wanted to say.

“You’re hiding something from me,” Sam says.

“So are you,” Dean says evenly.

The tension between them is palpable. Dean can’t look him in the eye and Sam tucks into himself with shame. He’s well aware that he’s also hiding something, but his secret is life or death for Cass. He promised not to tell Dean. Still, he’s been preaching for them to communicate better yet he hasn’t been practicing it himself.

“I’m sorry.” It’s paltry but the only thing he can offer right now.

Dean just nods slowly, accepting his words.

…

Sam makes his way out after that, the contents of the paper still unknown.

He decides it’s time to try Jody again.

One ring.

Two. At this point, Sam is tired of all the ringing.

“Hey, Sam.” Jody’s voice booms through the receiver. He’s so startled that he fumbles with the phone.

“Hey– Hey, Jody.”

“What’s up with you guys?”

That makes him pause. “Nothing since we last spoke.”

Jody laughs loudly. “So you’re telling me more than three months have passed without you boys kicking up some dirt?”

“No– that’s not what I’m…” Sam’s eyes widen. “Wait.” He breathes in horror. “Three months?”

“Yeah.” Her voice grows suspicious. “What’s goin’ on?”

Sam clenches his fingers around the phone. “Jody, we talked to you yesterday.”

There’s a short silence before Jody scoffs, “That’s impossible, Sam. I spent the last week up in the mountains with Claire and Alex hunting some Wendigos. No reception at all.”

Breathing hard, Sam leans against the nearest wall for support. If Jody hadn’t called him, then who had Dean spoken to last night?

More importantly, who had Sam let into the bunker all those weeks ago? Who had helped him take care of Cass and Dean at their most vulnerable?

Sam’s panic makes him lightheaded. Had he been so desperate for help that he’d mistakenly let in some… monster?


	28. The One Where The Cat is Out of The Bag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [shipperofdarkness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipperofdarkness/profile) for beta reading this chapter!

“Sam?” Jody’s concerned voice grounds him, though the panic still courses through his veins.

“I think I did something terrible,” he whispers into the phone. “Jody, I have to go.”

“Sam, wait!” Her voice is desperate. “Hang on. Let m-”

“I’ll call you back.” Sam murmurs before ending the call.

Still clinging to the walls, the hunter slowly peels himself off and makes his way back towards Dean’s room.

What could it have been? A shifter? No - Sam remembers ‘Jody’ using a silver knife to slice some pie. A siren, perhaps? Though, what would it want with them? It could be a spy, co-ordinating some sort of attack and scoping out their weaknesses. Somehow, that just doesn’t feel right.

The creature, whatever it was, managed to blend in _perfectly_ for weeks. It was able to placate Sam, keep a cool head, and seemed genuinely concerned about Dean and Cass. It got him: hook, line, and sinker. He still can’t wrap his head around that level of deception. He feels utterly violated.

In the few weeks he had watched over Dean and Cass, he had failed them in the worst of ways. It was supposed to be his job to keep their condition from the supernatural beings who’d hunt them, and yet Sam had invited one of those predators into their home. He let it ‘take care’ of them, let it be alone with them.

He’d trusted it completely because he was so desperate for help, so out of his depth without Dean that he’d jumped at the first sign of help he could get.

Pounding on Dean’s door, he allows himself to let out his frustration, making a huge racket.

Dean opens his door and almost gets knocked on the head, causing Dean to pull away, annoyed.

One look at his face and Dean’s annoyance dissipates.

“Sam?” Dean asks quickly. “What’s wrong, man?”

“Dean, something awful has happened.” He pants inviting himself in.

But maybe it isn’t so awful.

If Dean finds out that he didn’t _actually_ talk to Jody, maybe it will improve his mood. Sam suspects that whatever the creature told him won’t have much impact when he finds out that it wasn’t the real Jody. Maybe him opening up about his failure will help Dean open up about what the creature said to him and why it rattled him.

Sam just needs to find a way to put his failure into words.

Then there’s the matter of _how_ it got Jody’s number in the first place. From Jody’s calm tone at the start of the call, Sam suspects she hadn’t noticed her phone was missing. Even more baffling is the inclusion of Claire and Alex in the plan. It was only after talking to Claire that Sam’s eyes were opened to Cass’ affection for Dean.

He _saw_ them, clear as day, on the video call. They were there. He’s certain of it.

Including them in an already complicated infiltration seems redundant. But they _had_ bolstered the normalcy of their dynamic. It made him complacent enough to not even question Jody’s presence. Jody, Claire, and Alex are a group and the creature had portrayed them as such.

“Dean… that person who you spoke to yesterday… that wasn’t Jody.” Sam pauses as shock crosses Dean’s face. He gives him a moment before launching into the rest of the story. “You have to understand that when I invited it in, I really, _really,_ thought it was Jody. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have even _considered_ letting her get close to you guys. You have to understand that. And I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Dean just stares at him.

Sam stands. “I have to tell Cass.” He spent a lot of time with ‘Jody’ too. Even though he can’t really remember it.

“I’ll tell him and come back,” Sam says leaving Dean sitting open-mouthed on the bed.

Sam tells himself he’s only leaving so that Dean can have some time to process. In actuality, he knows he’s just sparing himself Dean’s wrath when everything finally catches up to his brother.

…

Cass’ door is already ajar when he gets there. He knocks lightly before poking his head in. The room feels dark and sad. Cass is on the bed, looking like a lump covered in the comforter.

If Sam didn’t know better, he’d assume that Cass is asleep.

“Hey,” Sam says, perching on the end of his bed.

Cass turns over to stare at him groggily.

“Are you okay?” Sam wonders, narrowing his eyes.

“Not really,” Cass murmurs.

Pushing himself up onto his elbows, Cass stares blankly ahead. “I – I’ve been thinking about what you said.” He swallows. “About Dean.”

“Oh?”

“It makes me feel… horrible. Thinking about something that I can never have. These past few hours have been… lonely.” He sounds so melancholy.

“But you’re not alone.” Sam reminds him after a second.

“But I am.” Cass insists, though his voice holds no judgment. “You and Dean are brothers. He will _always_ put you first.”

Sam knows there’s no sense in arguing with that.

“And Dean will never know about my feelings. I know he doesn’t love me. Telling him would be pointless. But after what you said to me earlier, I let myself think. I let myself hope again and now I can’t stop hurting.”

Sam feels even worse. How is he supposed to tell Cass about ‘Jody’ now?

“I wish you’d never told me those things.” His voice is harsh. “You were right. We do need each other, but I need Dean far more than he needs me. I can’t risk telling him about – my feelings.” Shame lowers his voice at the end.

Sam feels his heartbreaking for the angel but he knows better than to push. He _is_ happy that Cass trusts him enough to talk like this, to explain his decision.

It makes Sam feel like he can share his own failures.

So he takes the plunge. “Cass. I have to tell you something… It’s about Jody.”

…

The talk with Cass went much better than Sam expected. He was able to get through the entire story and relieved to find Cass doesn’t blame him; however, he is suspicious. They both want to know what - or who - the creature is…

They agreed that it’s time to stop shirking the research, both on the Empty and this mystery creature.

For the third time, he’s headed back to Dean’s room. This time to drag him to the library… and possibly face his wrath. But Sam is ready.

Dean’s door is still sprawling open, Sam spots him on the bed, in the exact position as he left him.

Sam cocks his head. “Hey, do you want to join us i-”

“I already knew,” Dean says in a rush, still looking down at his lap.

“What?” Sam steps closer.

“I knew it wasn’t Jody.” Dean says.

Sam stills, his muscles stiffening in shock. “Then why didn’t you-”

“Because I couldn’t, Sam!” he snaps, lifting his head. Dean’s eyes burn with anger.

“I knew _exactly_ who I was talking to.” Dean pauses to take a breath. “And I know what you and Cass are keeping from me.”


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [shipperofdarkness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipperofdarkness/profile) for beta reading this chapter and helping me bring out all the feels!

Despite his chest tightening and his pulse literally thrumming in his ears, Sam tries to school his expression.

Dean thinks he knows what will make Cass happy. Nothing’s set in stone until–

“I know he’s in love with me.” 

Until that.

Deflated, Sam can’t find it in himself to answer.

Clearly stricken, Dean rubs a hand down his face, massaging his jaw. “God.” He hisses. “I– I didn’t think it was true.”

His brother bends forward, balancing his elbows on his knee. He’s clearly panicking, but Sam is too. This is the one thing Cass didn’t want Dean to know. And here he is knowing it. Dean’s face is rife with shock. He suspects that when the creature suggested Cass’ love, he had laughed it off because he’s that oblivious. Just like Sam had been.

Knowing Dean, he’d been obsessing over that revelation ever since. It’s probably what drove him to down an entire bottle of whiskey. But he managed to keep it together because… why the hell would he trust the word of some random creature over the phone? Now that Sam’s confirmed it, Dean looks like a wreck.

“How did this happen?” He whispers to himself.

He laughs, not giving Sam a chance to squeeze in a word. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Sam swallows, unable to look at Dean’s hurt expression. “He begged me not to. Dean, you have to–”

“I don’t have to do shit.” He growls.

His brother looks as though Sam’s betrayed him. But he hadn’t. Dean will understand when his gut reaction anger fades.

“You have to understand how hard it is for him.” Sam continues. “The only reason he told me was to save you both.”

“I know,” Dean says bitterly. “I remember. But I hoped…”

Sam hears the unspoken words: that it was a delusion, that he was going crazy, that Sam had doped them up on cough syrup. He gets it. Anything to excuse the confession that could destabilize their friendship.

Sam’s eyes widen as something hits him. “How do you remember?” He asks cautiously.

Dean freezes, “It showed me everything.”

Sam shudders at the woe in Dean’s voice. “It?”

“The Shadow.”

Stunned, Sam pushes to his feet. “You met with it?! And you didn’t tell us?!”

“How could I, Sam?” Dean is exasperated. “You know how Cass is. He’d make me talk and I couldn’t risk him finding out.”

“Why?”

“Because the Shadow wants to get him, Sam!” Dean snaps. “Did you want me to call you? ‘Hey Sam, Cass. Hope you’re enjoying my pie–oh, and the deadly, cosmic being who has it out for Cass wants to have a chat with me. Don’t worry.’”

Sam purses his lips.

“What else did he say?” Sam wonders. Maybe he said something that can help them break the deal.

Dean’s immediate discomfort lets him know that there’s definitely more.

“You know when he said it, so many things just clicked. When you freaked out about my flirting and– and–” He makes a weak gesture to his table; to the crumpled piece of paper.

Tentatively, Sam reaches over to pluck the paper. The paper with Dean’s name on it.

“You should have seen your faces.” He reminisces. “I got it right on the first try. Ha!”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know,” Dean says, patting his leg. He lets out a sigh. “Sam, how am I supposed to look at him? Act around him?” Dean runs his hand through his hair.

Sam frowns. “He’s in love with you, Dean. That doesn’t mean you have to treat him differently.”

“How can I hug him? Call him buddy? When I know that with one misinterpreted gesture, ~~and~~ I can send him straight to the Empty. It’s too risky. What if he thinks that I…” He swallows harshly.

“He knows you don’t,” Sam assures. “Not that way at least. He still needs you. He still needs his friend.” He can sense that Dean is right on the edge of pulling away completely. He knows how much Dean’s friendship means to Cass, but he also understands why Dean wouldn’t want to risk it. The thing is Cass can’t be happy, but he can get by being okay. Without Dean, he’d be miserable.

“Dean,” he says slowly, sitting back down on the bed. Getting information out of his brother can be a grueling task, especially when he doesn’t want to talk. “What else did he tell you? You were pretty freaked yesterday.”

“Do you think that I– that I do things that make it seem like I’m in love with him?” Dean ignores his question completely.

Sam scoffs. Grueling indeed.

“No, Dean,” Sam says, wanting to get back to Dean’s actual conversation with the Shadow. “But this is important. We need to know everything about the Shadow so we can kill it. Or at the very least, get Cass out of his deal. Just give me something–anything. Maybe I can pull on a thread that will unravel everything.”

“Do you think I’m in love with him?” Dean repeats, his voice small.

Snapping his head to face his brother, Sam scowls. “I already told you, Dean. No.”

Dean remains quiet. He worries his lip and seems almost… disappointed? That can’t be right, Sam shakes his head. But after a minute passes without a word from Dean, he decides that enough is enough.

With a sigh, Sam grips the side of the bed to stand. No use beating a dead horse. “I’m going to do some research with Cass. Come join us when you’re ready to talk.”

As he tries to stand, Dean’s hand shoots out, latching onto his shirt and dragging him back down. “You can’t go.” He whispers.

“Why?” Sam asks thinly. He’s never seen Dean this terrified.

“Just think about it.” Dean pleads. “Think about Cass and I and just… don’t hold back.”

Sam obliges. He’s slightly confused, Dean should know his feelings better than anyone. Like he told Cass, Dean obviously cares about him. They have their profound bond. They need each other.

“Dean… I don’t know what to tell you.” Sam breathes. His mind is too uneasy to think about this clearly. “What do you think?”

“I thought I wasn’t.”

_Thought._

Sam finds himself leaning in, entrapped by Dean’s wording. _Thought._

Dean thought _what?_

Throughout their entire conversation, Dean never once said that he wasn’t in love with Cass. He doesn’t know what to make of Dean’s sudden admission. Sam feels dizzy at the possibilities. Cass loves Dean. He’s come to accept that as a fact. But this is his brother, Sam _knows_ him. Yet, the categorical imperative doesn’t lie. Dean needs Cass. Cass needs Dean. Sam just thought Dean’s need was purely friendship. But what if he’s wrong?

It wouldn’t be the first time he’s been completely blind to someone’s affections.

“What?” He asks softly. He wants to give Dean a nudge, not put words in his mouth.

“The Shadow.” Dean breathes. “After he gave me all those memories back, he told me something. He threatened me. Said he’d tell Cass.”

“Tell him what?”

“If we don’t stop looking into him,” Dean gulps. “He’s going to tell Cass that I’m in love with him.”

That would be horrible. But maybe they can keep looking, and explain it all to Cass so that he knows it isn’t true.

“But you’re not,” Sam says, laying a comforting hand on Dean’s shoulder. “We can make this work.”

Dean straightens up, his muscles stiffening under Sam’s palm. When he looks him in the eye, his expression is dead serious. “What if I am?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It seems that Dean knows now so things are about to explode (namely Sam)
> 
> Feel free to check out my new work:[Blackout.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24939865) if you dare... ;)


	30. It Doesn’t Take Einstein To Figure It Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [shipperofdarkness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipperofdarkness/profile) for beta reading this chapter!

Sam has faced hoards of demons, hellhounds, witches, ghouls, the devil himself. And _this_ is what terrifies the him the most. The raw emotion on Dean’s face, the self-loathing and despair. Sam wants to reach out and hug him and tell him that everything is okay. Even when he was a child, Dean has never looked so lost or so vulnerable and that makes Sam’s paternal instincts flare up big time.

But he doesn’t know how Dean will react to that, so his muscles remain stiff in indecision.

“Sammy, what if I _am_?” The tremble in Dean’s voice makes his decision for him.

It’s only when he wraps his arms around Dean does he _feel_ just how much this is affecting him. His muscles are rock hard, pulled infinitely taut. His panicked breaths brush past Sam’s ear. Dean reeks of fear.

Sam squeezes as hard as he can, trying to convey without words that he’s here, supporting him no matter what.

He can’t imagine how hard this must have been for Dean. The Shadow downloaded all those memories into his brain and then dropped the bomb that he was in love with Cass. Dean clearly hadn’t figured it out. He still doesn’t really believe it, he’s desperate not to.

Sam’s actions must have some effect because Dean sags in his grasp, his chin digging into Sam’s shoulder, his hands slowly rising to return his embrace.

It’s only fair that he let Dean have a little time to calm down, to catch himself. However, Sam’s mind is blown.

Dean might be in love with Cass. On a regular day he’d celebrate. Possibly throw a party, because… they’re _perfect_ for each other. Nothing about this is normal though. Dean had his potential feelings thrust in his face by a manipulative cosmic being who wants to swallow his best friend whole as soon as he’s happy enough to forget about their deal.

Love is a fickle thing. Sam knows that better than most, yet there’s one thing he knows for sure: you _always_ know when you’re in love. You might try to deny it, trick yourself into thinking otherwise, drown it in someone else, but it’s inevitable. Undeniable.

It wouldn’t matter what the Shadow said, Dean would know in his heart.

Dean knows how he really feels but he wants Sam to convince him otherwise. For a second he almost wishes he could. That he could convince Dean that he’s not in love with Cass, that everything will be okay and that his feelings aren’t enough to trigger the deal.

But given the way Dean clings to him, his hands scrunched in his shirt, the way he shakes in Sam’s grasp… it’s impossible for him to miss the truth.

They stay like that for a long time, until Sam’s shoulder aches, but he dare not move. Dean still shakes from time to time, screwing his eyes shut and balling up his fists. Everything he’s been hiding for the past few days comes bubbling to the surface, crashing over him in one tumultuous upheaval of his emotions.

“It _will_ be okay.” Sam assures when Dean seems to relax.

An incredulous noise floats directly into his ear. “What world are you living in?” Dean demands, shifting his head slightly. Sam’s shoulder cries in relief; Dean’s head is heavier than it looks. “I’m probably in love with Cass.”

 _Not probably._ Sam thinks sheepishly.

“If he finds out the Shadow will take him for sure.” Dean continues in a panic. “And we have to stop looking into it or it’ll out me. Doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, if Cass believes it for even a second then – I – oh God.” He breaks off with a moan, shoving his face into his hands.

“Breath.” Sam tells him, trying to keep his own voice steady. Seeing Dean like this, it’s jarring. His brother is usually so the one comforting him. “We’re going to figure this out, Dean.”

“Yeah.” But it sounds like he’s only saying it for Sam’s benefit. “You have to promise that you won’t tell Cass.”

Now that’s going to put him in a tight spot. But he can’t _not_ do it. “Of course.”

…

Dean takes another couple minutes collecting himself before they decide to head for the library.

Sam’s brain does a barrel roll as Dean turns back to glance at himself in the mirror, actually _smoothening_ out his collar.

Dear God, he’s doomed.

In any other circumstance he wouldn’t feel the need to say this. “We’re going to need to act _normal_ in there, Dean.”

“Normal.” He repeats, squaring his shoulders. “I’m normal. I’m _Mr_ Normal.” Dean raises a finger then. “But most importantly I’m _not_ in love with Cass. Nope. Just friendship. Besides we don’t even know for sure that I’m really -”

Dean lets that sentence trail off. It’s like Sam said, he _knows_. Whether he wants to or not.

Just friendship his ass.

It seems that Dean finds himself unable to walk in silence. “And you,” He says brightly, elbowing Sam harsher than necessary. “you’re now anti-research, think you can pull that off Einstein?”

Sam just gives him a dubious look. He’d like to say: ‘as well as you’re ‘pulling off’ normal now,’ but that would just be cruel.

When they get to the library the smiles drop from their faces. Everything is in disarray. The tables overturned, books sprawling open. And then there’s Cass.

Wide eyes and pointing an angel blade at them.

“That’s not Dean.” He says thinly.

Sam immediately steps back.

This is Dean. This _is_ Dean. It had tricked him as Jody, but this is Dean. His bother. Sam would bet his life that this is Dean.

“Woah.” Dean says. His discomfort in Cass’ presence doesn’t help his case any, but Cass doesn’t _know_ the reason for his discomfort. “I’m me.”

“Why do you think that?” Sam asks, turning to look at Cass.

He grips his angel blade tightly, his eyes trained solely on Dean.

“He was just here. He – he tried to -” Castiel breaks off, clearly distraught.

Dean’s eyes widen and his hand shoots out, latching onto Sam’s arm for balance. “The Shadow.”


	31. Dream the Impossible Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you to [shipperofdarkness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipperofdarkness/profile) for all your help! <3

Sam presses his eyes shut as those words echo through his head. Of course.  _ The Shadow _ . The bane of his existence and constant reminder of his failures.

Now, it had come back to attack Cass. He’d just been waiting for Sam to start researching–

_ Shit _ . 

His eyes fly open, remembering Dean’s words If The Shadow had been here, surely he’d told Cass Dean loves him.

But Cass is still here—breath ragged and pointing a blade at them—but here. Not in the Empty. Not truly happy.

So clearly something else happened.

“What?” Dean demands, taking a step closer. Toward the weapon in Cass’ grasp.

On a normal day, Sam might joke about Cass stabbing Dean to death, because he knows that’d never happen. But today? Today, he’s scared as hell.

Cass is clearly still on edge and Dean doesn’t seem to care as he inches closer. Sam wants to drag him back by his collar and slap some sense into him. But he’s afraid that any sudden movements might spook Cass.

Sam’s entire life flashes before his eyes as Cass lunges forward. He imagines Cass stabbing Dean through the heart, only for the angel to realize he’s killed the man he loves, watching in horror as Dean bleeds out in his broken-hearted arms. Sam imagines himself standing here, uselessly.

The hunter hears the metallic clang, as Cass drops the knife onto the floor. His arms wrap around Dean. Their lips smash together.

And then, Sam has a whole new bout of worrying.

What is Cass doing? Why kiss Dean now? Is the Shadow coming back to take him and this is some twisted goodbye?

Sam turns and does a quick survey, finding no sign of the Cosmic Entity. But that doesn’t mean they’re safe.

A loud crack has him whipping around, already fearing the worst.

His heart is thundering in his ears as he tries to figure out what’s happening. Dean and Cass are no longer lip locked. Cass looks some strange combination of disappointed and resolute. A vibrant red handprint glows on his cheek. Meanwhile, Dean is roughly wiping his lips and glaring at the ground. Confusion mares his face.

Sam, however, notices the yearning that sits just beyond his confusion. It's almost imperceptible, something he would miss on a normal day. But today is not a normal day and Sam sees straight through Dean's facade. It's chilling to witness. As Dean shoves his emotions back, Sam lets out a relieved sigh.

No one is dead at least.

“What the hell?” Dean croaks, filling the silence. His eyes scan the angel’s face for any clue.

“Yeah, Cass. What the hell?” Sam echoes his sentiment.

“I had to make sure he’s really Dean.”

“And you do that by kissing him?” Sam wonders incredulously.

“I’m not some kind of prince charming,” he bitterly mumbles under his breath.

Sam doesn’t miss the look the angel gives his older brother. The completely indulgent one that screams ‘yes, you are.’ These glances have been a thing for the past decade, used on countless occasions. Sam just hadn’t recognized its significance until recently. He always saw it though because it was simply impossible not to. But this time, Dean sees it too and recognizes it for what it actually is. Sam knows he does by the way his eyes drop and he casually rubs the back of his neck in an attempt to hide his returned flush.

“The Shadow was here.” Cass continues. “He came up to me. He– he pressed me against the shelves.” He bites the next words out. “He kissed me...” Sam’s heart aches at how sad his friend sounds.

“Jesus.” Dean whispers, still looking down. His skin is distinctly paler than before.

“And then?” Sam prods, as silence falls once more.

“Then, I knew it wasn’t Dean.”

Dean’s head snaps up. And the way he stares at Cass almost shatters Sam. There’s so much longing in his gaze. So much pain and desperation. It’s clear as day what Cass had thought. The real Dean would never kiss him. The real Dean would never love him. And now that Sam knows the truth, it’s all the more painstaking to keep his mouth shut.

“Cass…” Dean’s voice sounds wrecked. His eyes are darting everywhere. The expression on his face is dangerously open. Sam’s eyes drift over to Cass who stares at them curiously. Dean is on the precipice of ruining everything. Cass is on the verge of knowing the truth,  _ which is exactly what The Shadow wants _ .

“Dean…” Cass straightens his shoulders and takes a step forward.

Wincing, Sam steps between them. “I’m sorry,” falls from his lips before he can think. What can he say? What would warrant Dean’s expression right now? What keeps Cass safe?

There’s only one thing he can think of. 

Sam drops his voice. “He knows.”

Any trace of hope in Cass’ expression dissipates like a drop of blood in an ocean. It pains him but less than losing Cass would. “The Shadow was posing as Jody. It called Dean. It– It told him.” He hopes Cass will forgive him. The words burn on their way out.“He knows you love him.”

“I just–” Dean fumbles.

Sam feels his brother’s presence near his shoulder. He’s subconsciously moved forward, closer to the angel. Cass turns away at his words, causing the hunter to pause.

“No need to explain, Dean.” Cass says brusquely to the wall. His back hides his expression but Sam knows he’s breaking.

“I just–”

“Dean, stop.” Sam pleads as Cass shudders.

“ _ Dean _ .” Cass bites. His voice holds a false strength. “Just stop. I know you don’t feel the same way. I know you find my feelings abhorrent. But I can’t stop them. I’m sorry.” 

Sam chances a glance behind him. His brother looks even more wrecked than before. If Cass turns around now and sees his face… The hunter knows there’s no way  _ anyone _ could mistaken his brother’s expression as anything but undying love. Not even someone as oblivious to social cues as Cass.

Dean clearly wants to say something, Sam doesn’t know what. But it can’t be good.

He shakes his head, trying to convey that silence is the best answer right now. They can’t risk losing Cass. This heartbreak is necessary. For once, Dean seems to get it. He balls his fists and painfully clenches his jaw in defeat.

“I’m going to bed,” Cass grits out, already making his way out of the room. 

Sam nods, not mentioning that angels can’t sleep. They all know it’s a ruse anyway. No use in making him even more uncomfortable.

He waits till Cass is definitely gone before turning to Dean.

‘Kicked puppy’ doesn’t even do him justice.

“You have to control yourself,” Sam says with a sigh. “If you look at him like that again, there isn’t an excuse in the world that will stop Cass from figuring it out.”

“I know.” Dean says gruffly. Quickly adding, “I’m going to bed,” as he storms out.

Instantly, Sam knows he’s lying. While Dean’s eyes hadn’t deviated from his, he could see how much they’d wanted to.

He’s not going to bed.

He’s going to do something stupid.

Sam waits a beat, watching Dean disappear down the hallway. Then, he follows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that chapters are taking longer now. Writing on my phone makes me feel discontented and frustrated. But I'm hoping to get a new laptop soon. Fingers crossed.

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly don't know why I do this to myself.
> 
> So many ongoing works but I couldn't resist this. It was floating around in my brain for too long and then I heard that Jensen teased an episode with baby!Sam and baby!Cass and I just couldn't resist.
> 
> Enjoy!  
> And stick around for more updates!!


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